In the past year, and this semester specifically, I have pondered and discussed the idea of identity. Identity is one of those ambiguous topics that not many of us like to explore because it challenges us to examine what we value and how we have changed. As humans, we take comfort in our identity(ies). It’s normal to give people labels. It’s also easy to go through life categorizing people just like Janis identifies all the cliques in ‘Mean Girls.’ However, our identities can be limiting, like being a Plastic, but desperately wanting to be a jock. Life isn't always as easy as placing yourself in a high school clique though. People grow and change over time, so naturally, our identity, or our defining qualities shift over time.
Growing up, my identity was always reflected by the sport I played. When I was younger, I was a gymnast and as I got older, I was a softball player. As soon as I "retired" from softball last summer at my ripe old age, I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore, I didn't feel like me. Up until then, my identity as “softball player” was comfortable, familiar, satisfying. I felt like I belonged. I had a group of amazing friends and family friends that shared this identity, so it was all I knew. The moment I stopped being a softball player was what brought on my impending identity crisis. Suddenly losing the only identity I had ever known demanded a little soul-searching. In the past year and a half, I have learned a lot about myself. I realized how much people in general change, myself included. It's inevitable. That's why this so-called identity crisis even occurred. I have also learned that introversion could actually be a strength and its okay to be more contemplative than talkative (and I could write a whole other article on this). I learned that moving on and growing as a person does not always equate to being a quitter. I felt that leaving my sport behind would make me a quitter, but I think understanding that it was something that no longer made me happy was more mature and allowed me to grow a little as a person along the way. Overall, losing that part of my life and what I believed to be my identity was difficult. Trying to find myself again after thinking I already knew myself so well was pretty mind-blowing. What else is there to know? I don't think I can predict what my identity would be in the future. One thing I do know is that it won't have a specific label such as "softball player." I can really only know the me in the moment. As of now, I am a college-student. I have an unending desire to see the world, I don't like being told what to do, I am very close with my family, and I am learning everyday about what's truly important in life. My year still revolves around Christmas (I think it always will), I pride myself on my honesty and my ability to parallel-park, and I try to express gratitude as much as I can because I don't want to take anything for granted. Right now, in this moment, this is my identity. It is much more complex than my childhood identity relating to sports, it entails specific qualities and features I didn't always value. Growing up is funny that way.
