Guys, Please Stop Trying To Use Canned "Pickup Lines"

Guys, Please Stop Trying To Use Canned "Pickup Lines"

Women know exactly what you are doing - and yes, we think they are hilarious... but they'll never work!
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Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. These are all modern day ways to keep in touch with everyone you know, or at least glanced at, at a party one time... but they're also networks where things can get hundreds of thousands, or even millions of views if something is truly amazing, funny... or even cringe worthy.

As a writer, I often do research on a large variety of topics -- and sometimes, I come across some cool stuff.

Other times, I come across things that really make me question whether I am normal, or if people really believe some of the stuff they read online.

Just a few years back while I was still in college, something called the "Pickup Artist industry" (or PUA) really took off -- online, and then with a TV program with a show called "The Pickup Artist".

However, I wasn't as geeky as I am now, and wasn't hip to what this actually was - until it happened to me on campus. I had always thought social media had something to do with the failures of modern dating culture, but this is something that was slightly disturbing too.

It started off like any other week going, going to classes and working, when I was approached by a man.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Ummm... sure"

He then proceeded to tell me a wild story about how he caught his girlfriend texting some guy, yadda yadda yadda, then asked me what I should do. However, I could tell this seemed a bit "show-offy", and was probably not true.

Over the next few minutes, he started asking me questions, made a comment about my nails, and then asked to play a game with me...

This was all a bit strange, but I felt fairly creeped out with the situation and I made an excuse to leave -- but not before he asked for a number to "tell me what happens". I declined, because I knew what it was.

An elaborate ploy to try and get my number.

He eventually just came right out and said it, saying he would like to take me out - however, I was taken (and still am, no silly pick up lines required). As I was leaving, he said that my "boyfriend can come too".

Anyway, being the busy person I was at the time, I brushed it off as an awkward interaction. I am a lot more "traditional", and would prefer being honest -- which could lead to sparking a real romance or love interest.

The funny thing is, almost this exact scenario took place a few weeks later - except it was a different story with a few additional twists.

Midgets, a best friend going behind his back, and so on...

Almost immediately, I found it very off putting because it seemed like he was trying to play a game in the background. But the part that made me blatantly aware, was the part about the "boyfriend coming along", in order to try and disarm women when they're not interested or genuinely are taken.

As it just so happens, one of my friends who I was meeting for coffee later in the day had something similar happen -- a crazy story, which was all just a ploy to get her number... after realizing this, we almost spurted coffee in eachothers faces thinking about how dumb these lines actually are!

We told a few other friends, and some of them encountered some bizarre pickup attempts too -- at which point we all knew something was up. Something stupid... after running into one of the guys again, I asked him what that was all about.

I got an apology, as well as clued into a mysterious thing called "PUA".

After looking into it, I was amazed to find communities of guys online who discuss "openers", and how to (try) and build attraction with stories that demonstrate how "cool" they are, and how witty, sexy, or charming they can be.

After chuckling to myself about it, I brushed it off as some silly trend - until I actually saw a TV show called "The Pickup Artist", where guys actually use these routines on women.

As mind-blowingly silly as these routines is, I seem to have a run in with these kinds of routines every few months or so -- and without fail, I can tell immediately that its a canned line just for the purpose of trying to pick me up.

I have to decline... but even if I was single I have no doubt they would never work.

Most of my friends also feel the same way. The stories, and social gimmicks they use are becoming less obvious -- but when you start playing games with women... it becomes all too obvious.

So what DOES work?

As a woman, I personally feel that being genuine is far more attractive than using fake confidence, fake stories, and fake personality traits to "charm" women.

In fact, I have a few guy friends who were very quiet and shy that I have dated in the past and even met my husband through a real interaction - no stories about midgets, crazy ex-girlfriends, cheating, or drama.

The moral of the story is that relationships take the time to develop - and if you build it on something like a made up story, or being someone you're not, it's eventually going to crumble away. That's not to say it NEVER works, I'm sure it does, or it wouldn't be such a huge industry judging by a number of ads I see for ridiculous PUA/dating products).

Real love is built over time, and being genuine with someone, so they can be genuine with you back... anything else is just asking for trouble.

"I don't want no fly guy, I just want a shy guy "

- Diana King, Shy Guy


Thank you for reading,

- Leilani

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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5 Reasons Why I Don't Want Kids

Procreating. It's not for everyone.

dambro64
dambro64
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My cousin had a baby last August. She's absolutely beautiful and I love her to death, but she doesn't change my mind when it comes to wanting kids when I'm older. Truth is, I don't want kids. I'm sure everyone says this at some point in their life, and maybe I will change my mind in the future, but kids kind of freak me out.

Maybe I'm just not the most maternal person, but here's why having kids, at least for now, isn't on my bucket list.

1. Giving birth.

I know, I know, it's a beautiful thing, the miracle of life or whatever, but go watch a birthing video and then come tell me how beautiful it really is. Everything from a woman's water breaking, to actually giving birth just grosses me out, to be honest.

The thought of having to push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon is just absolutely terrifying. I have a pretty average to above average pain tolerance, but no matter how well you can deal with pain, that shit is obviously not a pleasant experience.

2. The responsibility.

You have to do everything for babies, literally everything. Feed it, dress it, wash it, change it, put it to sleep, and you have to know what a baby wants when it wants it. If I had a baby and it started to cry, I would have no idea what to do. I know plenty of people say that once you have the baby, you automatically know which type of crying is for what need, but that makes no sense to me.

Do babies have different types of cries? How do you know which is which?

I consider myself a pretty responsible person when it comes time to be accountable for myself, but to be accountable for another life form?

I'll put it this way. I have two pet turtles. We got them when I was about twelve or so years old, and I remember being obsessed with them. That lasted for like maybe two weeks, and then I got bored with them, which meant I didn't take care of them. My parents did. Not the best analogy for obvious reasons, but I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say. In other words, if I can barely take care of a pet, how would I ever be able to take care of a small human?

3. Kids are messy and loud.

Look, I'm not like a total clean freak or anything like that, but my mother definitely is. She used to disinfect sticks so my sister and I could roast marshmallows when we went camping for Girl Scouts. My point is, it's been drilled into my brain that everything has to be wiped down clean, and germs are not my friends.

I hate being around sick people; they freak me out, especially since I get sick so easily. If my baby or child were to get sick, I'd obviously still have to take care of it, which means wiping snot, cleaning vomit, and getting coughed on. I guarantee you, as soon as my child were to get better, I'd get sick.

Don't even get me started on changing dirty diapers.

Also, if there's anything I've learned from my cousin's baby thus far, it's that babies put everything in their mouths. Any object on the ground, their hands, and feet; nothing is safe. Babies don't understand sanitation, so it's not their fault, but I just know that if I had a kid, it would be in a plastic bubble so it could remain as clean as possible.

Babies are also very loud. Back when I worked at a diner, we used to have customers with little kids and babies all the time. If the kid was unhappy for any reason, that child would scream its head off. I never understood how such a big noise could come from such a small human.

4. Kids are expensive AF.

Kids are not cheap. They have an entire laundry list of stuff that needs to be bought for them, and they run out of supplies frequently. I can't imagine how much money people spend on things like diapers, formula, and clothes. Speaking of clothes, babies grow out things quickly. You get one or two good uses of an outfit and that's it. They outgrow it, and they can no longer use it.

Then, as they get older, you've got to think about school, eventually college, and extracurricular activities that they want to do, gifts for Christmas and other holidays. I say all of this, realizing how much my own parents have spent on me and my siblings (thanks, Mom and Dad).

5. Raising kids looks hard.

Knowing how much my sisters and I were pains in the asses for my parents, I can't imagine having to deal with that crap myself. The whole idea of shaping a child into a fully functioning member of society with good morals and conscience sounds like a lot of work.

There have been so many times where I would be at work and I'd have to deal with customers that have their kids with them, and these children are the biggest brats I've ever seen. Rude, disrespectful, obnoxious or disruptive; just the opposite of how kids should act in any public setting.

A big part of the reason I wouldn't want kids is that I see other people's kids and the way they act. It makes me just want to yell at the parents. At least I know that if I do ever decide to have kids, they'll be raised the way I want them to be and they'll behave the way they're supposed to. Appropriately.

In the big picture of things, whether or not you want kids is up to you. It's not meant for everyone and that's not the end of the world. I always get told that I don't mean it when I say I don't want kids, which isn't that big of a deal, but it can get annoying. In my opinion, if a person says they don't want kids, it's not because they think kids are like some evil being or anything like that. It's because they know their limits.

Growing a family is an amazing thing, but it's also different for everyone. No one should be judged for not liking or wanting to have kids. Everyone has different opinions. This one is just mine.

dambro64
dambro64

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