Guys, Please Stop Trying To Use Canned "Pickup Lines"

Guys, Please Stop Trying To Use Canned "Pickup Lines"

Women know exactly what you are doing - and yes, we think they are hilarious... but they'll never work!
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Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. These are all modern day ways to keep in touch with everyone you know, or at least glanced at, at a party one time... but they're also networks where things can get hundreds of thousands, or even millions of views if something is truly amazing, funny... or even cringe worthy.

As a writer, I often do research on a large variety of topics -- and sometimes, I come across some cool stuff.

Other times, I come across things that really make me question whether I am normal, or if people really believe some of the stuff they read online.

Just a few years back while I was still in college, something called the "Pickup Artist industry" (or PUA) really took off -- online, and then with a TV program with a show called "The Pickup Artist".

However, I wasn't as geeky as I am now, and wasn't hip to what this actually was - until it happened to me on campus. I had always thought social media had something to do with the failures of modern dating culture, but this is something that was slightly disturbing too.

It started off like any other week going, going to classes and working, when I was approached by a man.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Ummm... sure"

He then proceeded to tell me a wild story about how he caught his girlfriend texting some guy, yadda yadda yadda, then asked me what I should do. However, I could tell this seemed a bit "show-offy", and was probably not true.

Over the next few minutes, he started asking me questions, made a comment about my nails, and then asked to play a game with me...

This was all a bit strange, but I felt fairly creeped out with the situation and I made an excuse to leave -- but not before he asked for a number to "tell me what happens". I declined, because I knew what it was.

An elaborate ploy to try and get my number.

He eventually just came right out and said it, saying he would like to take me out - however, I was taken (and still am, no silly pick up lines required). As I was leaving, he said that my "boyfriend can come too".

Anyway, being the busy person I was at the time, I brushed it off as an awkward interaction. I am a lot more "traditional", and would prefer being honest -- which could lead to sparking a real romance or love interest.

The funny thing is, almost this exact scenario took place a few weeks later - except it was a different story with a few additional twists.

Midgets, a best friend going behind his back, and so on...

Almost immediately, I found it very off putting because it seemed like he was trying to play a game in the background. But the part that made me blatantly aware, was the part about the "boyfriend coming along", in order to try and disarm women when they're not interested or genuinely are taken.

As it just so happens, one of my friends who I was meeting for coffee later in the day had something similar happen -- a crazy story, which was all just a ploy to get her number... after realizing this, we almost spurted coffee in eachothers faces thinking about how dumb these lines actually are!

We told a few other friends, and some of them encountered some bizarre pickup attempts too -- at which point we all knew something was up. Something stupid... after running into one of the guys again, I asked him what that was all about.

I got an apology, as well as clued into a mysterious thing called "PUA".

After looking into it, I was amazed to find communities of guys online who discuss "openers", and how to (try) and build attraction with stories that demonstrate how "cool" they are, and how witty, sexy, or charming they can be.

After chuckling to myself about it, I brushed it off as some silly trend - until I actually saw a TV show called "The Pickup Artist", where guys actually use these routines on women.

As mind-blowingly silly as these routines is, I seem to have a run in with these kinds of routines every few months or so -- and without fail, I can tell immediately that its a canned line just for the purpose of trying to pick me up.

I have to decline... but even if I was single I have no doubt they would never work.

Most of my friends also feel the same way. The stories, and social gimmicks they use are becoming less obvious -- but when you start playing games with women... it becomes all too obvious.

So what DOES work?

As a woman, I personally feel that being genuine is far more attractive than using fake confidence, fake stories, and fake personality traits to "charm" women.

In fact, I have a few guy friends who were very quiet and shy that I have dated in the past and even met my husband through a real interaction - no stories about midgets, crazy ex-girlfriends, cheating, or drama.

The moral of the story is that relationships take the time to develop - and if you build it on something like a made up story, or being someone you're not, it's eventually going to crumble away. That's not to say it NEVER works, I'm sure it does, or it wouldn't be such a huge industry judging by a number of ads I see for ridiculous PUA/dating products).

Real love is built over time, and being genuine with someone, so they can be genuine with you back... anything else is just asking for trouble.

"I don't want no fly guy, I just want a shy guy "

- Diana King, Shy Guy


Thank you for reading,

- Leilani

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To The Person Who Broke My Heart, A Reflection

A reflection on what I have lost.
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To the person who broke my heart,

I am writing to you from my bedroom on Valentine's Day, a holiday meant to celebrate love and companionship between lovers and friends. All week, I've been listening to the plans being made to celebrate the holiday: dinner and a movie, a walk on the beach, a picnic in the park. My friends have been talking excitedly about the gifts that they are going to give to their girlfriends, the romantics within them awakened at the prospect of strengthing their established relationship. However, I shall be alone this Valentine's Day. There will be no one to give me flowers, no one to give me chocolates, and no one to tell me how much they love me.

That could have been you.

If you're reading this, I wanted to let you know from the start that this letter is not meant to harass you or criticize you; I just want to let you know how I've been feeling since you've called it quits.

When we went on our first date, I knew my feelings for you to be true and not just some passing fancy. For once, I believed that the seed of love had been planted within the soil of my heart. It had been so long since I had felt so strongly about someone. I felt like this was the start of something beautiful, the start of my first real relationship with someone I connected deeply with. I began to imagine all the things we would do, of all the things we would see, of those tender kisses shared beneath a starry sky and of nights spent cuddled in a warm bed.

I felt attractive and beautiful for once.

Every time you put your arm around me, every time you embraced me, I felt as if I were floating high above the world, carried upon the wings of Cupid. I told everyone about you, about our dates, about the kind of person you were. I was so happy and excited about you, about the kind of relationship we were going to have.

Then, you kissed me. My first kiss was with you. In that moment when you placed your lips upon mine, the whole world melted away and it was just you and I. I was dizzy with happiness, feeling as if I were going to faint at any moment from sheer joy. I remember how you told me how happy you were after you kissed me and my heart sang; for once, I thought, I was going to have someone to share my life with.

But then, things changed.

You left our date early on Friday, leaving me alone for the rest of "Singin' in the Rain." I wished I would have fought harder for you to stay, but I understood why you had to leave. I always wanted to be understanding with you, to make sure you knew how much I cared. You canceled our date Saturday too, making me even more worried. Then came Sunday. The day you broke my heart.

Just as quickly as it began, it ended. You called it quits and pulled the roots from my heart. Did you know, when you gave me the news, I lied to you? I told you I understood, that it was fine, but it wasn't fine. I was distraught. I cried. I felt like such a fool for letting myself be taken with you so quickly. From that day forward, my life became bleak. I took no enjoyment in anything and saw happiness nowhere. I was jealous of those who were in love, of those who have just begun their relationship, while I was pushed back into a dark pit of despair after I had crawled back to the top. My heart lay shattered upon the ground and I didn't know how to pick the pieces back up.

You know what hurts the most? The fact that it seems like it never happened. When I look back on our time together, it seems like a dream, that I had created a fantasy world out of sheer loneliness. I wonder if you think of me at all. Do I ever cross your mind? Am I ever brought up in conversation? Or was I just another face, another heart to break? Was I to be a conquest that turned out to be unsuccessful? I don't think I shall ever know.

To be honest, I blame myself. Maybe I was too forward or maybe I was too suffocating. I blame myself for letting my emotions getting out of hand. I blame myself for not writing to you or checking up on you. I blame myself for dwelling on something people would've normally have gotten over quickly.

I want you to know that I don't hate you, I don't think I ever could. My mind wants me to hate you, to pick out all your flaws, but my heart still wants me to see nothing but the good. I don't think I shall ever forget you.

Promise me something, though: the next person you date, please, don't break their heart.

Cover Image Credit: Columbia Pictures

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A Swipe In The Right Direction

When you know, you know. You know?
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They say that love finds you when you least expect it, and boy, can I vouch for that. Fall semester of my freshman year, I studied abroad in London, and as any girl would in a place full of hot accents and even hotter football players, I got on Tinder.

I had always dreamed of going to London and falling in love with a British guy who would sweep me off my feet, just like how you see in the movies. I went on a few dates, but nothing had stuck. About halfway through the semester, I just gave up. I figured maybe it wasn’t meant to be, maybe I wasn’t supposed to get swept off my feet. Not even a week after having this thought, I met Liam.

I had been talking to this guy for a couple of months, but I had never expected anything to come out of it. After all I had given up on British men. The first thing he said to me was that “You look like you’d be a good laugh.” He was funny, attractive and although I didn’t know it at the time, I was excited to talk to him. He had something about him that just made everything between us very relaxed and easy, and I had never even met him!

It was the week after I came back from Greece when we decided to meet up. We met at Victoria Station in the serial killers section of W.H. Smith (I thought it would be funny). When I first looked at him in person, the single word that popped into my mind was, “Wow.” He was even more attractive in person and his accent was to die for, and that was only the beginning.

I wasn’t nervous at all, which was shocking for me, actually all I felt was excited and happy to see him. We started off or date that Sunday by going on a tour bus, and yes, I mean the exact kind that you see in the movies. We got on, sat down and just talked about everything from what countries I had been to so far to our dogs that had passed away. It was an interesting conversation, but the fact that we could talk about stuff like that the first day of meeting each other was oddly comforting.

Five minutes later, we got off the bus partly because it was too cold, and partly because we didn’t care what Roman had built what bridge. We began walking around when we saw the London Tombs, and decided to go inside. The setup was a mix of a museum and a haunted house and he happened to be the leader, which resulted in me trying to hide in his sweatshirt when things popped out and him trying to shove me in front of him because he didn’t wanna walk toward the creepy people that had disappeared. Safe to say, we ran out of that place when we got to the end and saw the guy with the chainsaw.

Next, we got lunch at a coffee shop and we were in the middle of talking when he asked me on a second date. I couldn’t believe it. First, I had never had such a unique date with anyone, nor had as much fun on one. Second, we were only halfway through the first one and he had already wanted to see me again! I was so stupidly happy, of course I said yes.

Our next stops were the M&M store in Leicester Square and the tiny Christmas village, both of which consisted of him trying on hats to make me laugh and me taking pictures because it was just too good of an opportunity to pass up. It started getting late and even colder when we were walking and decided to go into this café that looked cute, and more importantly, warm.

It was the National Gallery café, and of course since the National Gallery is free, we went in and walked around. We laughed at the paintings, picked out our favorite ones, told each other very obnoxiously artsy opinions about what we thought was happening in each one. He even tried to touch one and got screamed at by security. We decided to leave after that and when we got back to Victoria, we stopped to get tea and ended up talking for another hour or so. Afterwards he walked me to my bus stop, we went in for a kiss, and I accidentally hit him in the face with my hat. We tried again and it was perfect.

I had never expected to meet a guy like Liam in all my life. He was interesting and exciting and being with him made me feel so alive. That same guy is now my boyfriend of three months. See that’s the thing, when you stop looking for love, it finds you. You can’t rush it, and you can’t let it control you. With him, I was completely myself and he loved that about me. You have to wait, and I promise good things and good people will come along and you will be so stupidly happy that you won’t even remember what it was like to not have that person in your life.

Cover Image Credit: Picjumbo

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