Guys, Please Stop Trying To Use Canned "Pickup Lines"

Guys, Please Stop Trying To Use Canned "Pickup Lines"

Women know exactly what you are doing - and yes, we think they are hilarious... but they'll never work!
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Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. These are all modern day ways to keep in touch with everyone you know, or at least glanced at, at a party one time... but they're also networks where things can get hundreds of thousands, or even millions of views if something is truly amazing, funny... or even cringe worthy.

As a writer, I often do research on a large variety of topics -- and sometimes, I come across some cool stuff.

Other times, I come across things that really make me question whether I am normal, or if people really believe some of the stuff they read online.

Just a few years back while I was still in college, something called the "Pickup Artist industry" (or PUA) really took off -- online, and then with a TV program with a show called "The Pickup Artist".

However, I wasn't as geeky as I am now, and wasn't hip to what this actually was - until it happened to me on campus. I had always thought social media had something to do with the failures of modern dating culture, but this is something that was slightly disturbing too.

It started off like any other week going, going to classes and working, when I was approached by a man.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Ummm... sure"

He then proceeded to tell me a wild story about how he caught his girlfriend texting some guy, yadda yadda yadda, then asked me what I should do. However, I could tell this seemed a bit "show-offy", and was probably not true.

Over the next few minutes, he started asking me questions, made a comment about my nails, and then asked to play a game with me...

This was all a bit strange, but I felt fairly creeped out with the situation and I made an excuse to leave -- but not before he asked for a number to "tell me what happens". I declined, because I knew what it was.

An elaborate ploy to try and get my number.

He eventually just came right out and said it, saying he would like to take me out - however, I was taken (and still am, no silly pick up lines required). As I was leaving, he said that my "boyfriend can come too".

Anyway, being the busy person I was at the time, I brushed it off as an awkward interaction. I am a lot more "traditional", and would prefer being honest -- which could lead to sparking a real romance or love interest.

The funny thing is, almost this exact scenario took place a few weeks later - except it was a different story with a few additional twists.

Midgets, a best friend going behind his back, and so on...

Almost immediately, I found it very off putting because it seemed like he was trying to play a game in the background. But the part that made me blatantly aware, was the part about the "boyfriend coming along", in order to try and disarm women when they're not interested or genuinely are taken.

As it just so happens, one of my friends who I was meeting for coffee later in the day had something similar happen -- a crazy story, which was all just a ploy to get her number... after realizing this, we almost spurted coffee in eachothers faces thinking about how dumb these lines actually are!

We told a few other friends, and some of them encountered some bizarre pickup attempts too -- at which point we all knew something was up. Something stupid... after running into one of the guys again, I asked him what that was all about.

I got an apology, as well as clued into a mysterious thing called "PUA".

After looking into it, I was amazed to find communities of guys online who discuss "openers", and how to (try) and build attraction with stories that demonstrate how "cool" they are, and how witty, sexy, or charming they can be.

After chuckling to myself about it, I brushed it off as some silly trend - until I actually saw a TV show called "The Pickup Artist", where guys actually use these routines on women.

As mind-blowingly silly as these routines is, I seem to have a run in with these kinds of routines every few months or so -- and without fail, I can tell immediately that its a canned line just for the purpose of trying to pick me up.

I have to decline... but even if I was single I have no doubt they would never work.

Most of my friends also feel the same way. The stories, and social gimmicks they use are becoming less obvious -- but when you start playing games with women... it becomes all too obvious.

So what DOES work?

As a woman, I personally feel that being genuine is far more attractive than using fake confidence, fake stories, and fake personality traits to "charm" women.

In fact, I have a few guy friends who were very quiet and shy that I have dated in the past and even met my husband through a real interaction - no stories about midgets, crazy ex-girlfriends, cheating, or drama.

The moral of the story is that relationships take the time to develop - and if you build it on something like a made up story, or being someone you're not, it's eventually going to crumble away. That's not to say it NEVER works, I'm sure it does, or it wouldn't be such a huge industry judging by a number of ads I see for ridiculous PUA/dating products).

Real love is built over time, and being genuine with someone, so they can be genuine with you back... anything else is just asking for trouble.

"I don't want no fly guy, I just want a shy guy "

- Diana King, Shy Guy


Thank you for reading,

- Leilani

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9 Questions You Should Never Ask Someone In A Long Distance Relationship

"Aren't you afraid they'll cheat on you?"

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When you're in a long distance relationship, everyone will always have a million and one questions- usually a million more than if you were in a relationship that didn't have any distance at all. As I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years now, I've learned that some questions will get asked more than once and some will be equally annoying every time you're asked said question(s). Here are x questions you shouldn't ask someone in a long distance relationship.

1. "Aren't you afraid they'll cheat on you?"

I mean, even if we lived right down the road from each other, he could very well cheat on me then. In my opinion, distance has nothing to do with it. Our relationship (and most long distance relationships) are heavily built on trust. So, no, I'm not afraid.

2. "Why don't you date someone who is close to you?"

Because it just didn't work out like that. I didn't exactly choose to date someone who lived in a different country, but that's how it turned out and although it isn't easy, we've made it work.

3. "You know a long distance relationship isn't a real relationship, right?"

How so? Are you saying it isn't a "real relationship" because we don't live right next door to each other? It's still a very real relationship whether we're living in the same house or we're 1,000 miles away.

4. "How are you able to be in a relationship who you only see from time to time?"

Exactly how you think we would. We talk every single day, mostly through text and have the occasional phone call or video chat. Is it easy? No. But is it worth it? Of course it is.

5. "How do you know he just isn't trying to move to the U.S?"

I don't think I have to worry about that.

6. "How does intimacy work?"

I'll let you think about that one.

7. "What do you do for sex? How do you deal with that?"

Well, that's a little invasive, don't you think?

8. "Oh... so a long distance relationship is like an open relationship?"

Nope. A long distance relationship is like a long distance relationship. Sure, some people have open relationships, but not us. Our relationship is just like yours and many others except we don't live close to each other.

9. "Why would you do that to yourself?"

Do what to myself, exactly? To be fair, I didn't choose to do anything to myself. The only thing I really "chose" was to be with someone who lives very far away, but we both knew what we were getting into from the beginning. So, I'm not "doing" anything to myself. We're just making the best out of a difficult situation.

Don't get me wrong, we don't mind that you ask us questions, but sometimes, you really have to think before you speak. Please stop with the invasive questions or trying to invalidate our relationship solely because we live far away from each other. Our relationship is just as valid as yours, I promise.

Cover Image Credit:

Yoann Boyer/Unsplash

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Yes, I'm Staying With My High School Boyfriend While I'm In College

It's common to think that you should leave relationships in the past, but you have more options.
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Now that I am beginning the awful mountains of paperwork and stress that will inevitably follow me to college, people are always asking me what I'm going to do with my boyfriend who is still in high school. Yeah, this is actually a question! I know that I'm not alone in answering this question before heading off to one of the most important milestones of my life. If you're in the same boat, I hope that I can serve as your flashlight as you enter into some uncharted waters.

I know from the looks that people give me that it's not a popular opinion to continue relationships into such a new experience. Admittedly, it's hard to stray from public opinion. However, I refuse to throw away my boyfriend like he has some expiration date just because I'm graduating.

If you are absolutely committed to another person, the distance should not be an issue. Especially in an era littered with applications that allow us to connect at virtually any moment. You may be the person calling me naive, and that's okay. The thing is that you can't be successful if you aren't going to put 100 percent of your effort into making it work.

So, maybe you're afraid of distractions? If you are truly scared that the person you love will betray you as soon as you leave, you already have issues to work out in the relationship. I'm not clueless that universities offer a variety of diversions, but I do know that I would never risk love for a fun night.

Another argument that I hear often is that I will be held back by holding onto a past relationship. First, my relationship is not in the past if I'm still building on it every day. Don't be discouraged by people who tell you to leave the past behind. You need to make the decision for yourself because every situation is incredibly different.

Personally, I don't feel held back by my relationship at all. Don't get me wrong, I know that it's going to be difficult. I know that there are going to be some obstacles, but I also know that I feel incredibly secure about staying with him. When you feel confident in your relationship with someone, you feel more empowered and free than trapped.

I would also like to note that there is not one correct answer for everyone in this situation because what is right for me may not work for you. I do hope, though, that I have offered an optimistic perspective on this issue to contrast against the common negative opinions.

Lastly, I would like to thank my boyfriend who has stood by me through all of the confusion and turmoil that is graduating high school. Thank you for the sunny days and the sleepless nights. Thank you for being my best friend and for loving my crazy family. Thanks for going on all of these adventures with me, and I know we have many more to come!



Cover Image Credit: Caitlyn Kinard

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