Guys, Please Stop Trying To Use Canned "Pickup Lines"

Guys, Please Stop Trying To Use Canned "Pickup Lines"

Women know exactly what you are doing - and yes, we think they are hilarious... but they'll never work!
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Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. These are all modern day ways to keep in touch with everyone you know, or at least glanced at, at a party one time... but they're also networks where things can get hundreds of thousands, or even millions of views if something is truly amazing, funny... or even cringe worthy.

As a writer, I often do research on a large variety of topics -- and sometimes, I come across some cool stuff.

Other times, I come across things that really make me question whether I am normal, or if people really believe some of the stuff they read online.

Just a few years back while I was still in college, something called the "Pickup Artist industry" (or PUA) really took off -- online, and then with a TV program with a show called "The Pickup Artist".

However, I wasn't as geeky as I am now, and wasn't hip to what this actually was - until it happened to me on campus. I had always thought social media had something to do with the failures of modern dating culture, but this is something that was slightly disturbing too.

It started off like any other week going, going to classes and working, when I was approached by a man.

"Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Ummm... sure"

He then proceeded to tell me a wild story about how he caught his girlfriend texting some guy, yadda yadda yadda, then asked me what I should do. However, I could tell this seemed a bit "show-offy", and was probably not true.

Over the next few minutes, he started asking me questions, made a comment about my nails, and then asked to play a game with me...

This was all a bit strange, but I felt fairly creeped out with the situation and I made an excuse to leave -- but not before he asked for a number to "tell me what happens". I declined, because I knew what it was.

An elaborate ploy to try and get my number.

He eventually just came right out and said it, saying he would like to take me out - however, I was taken (and still am, no silly pick up lines required). As I was leaving, he said that my "boyfriend can come too".

Anyway, being the busy person I was at the time, I brushed it off as an awkward interaction. I am a lot more "traditional", and would prefer being honest -- which could lead to sparking a real romance or love interest.

The funny thing is, almost this exact scenario took place a few weeks later - except it was a different story with a few additional twists.

Midgets, a best friend going behind his back, and so on...

Almost immediately, I found it very off putting because it seemed like he was trying to play a game in the background. But the part that made me blatantly aware, was the part about the "boyfriend coming along", in order to try and disarm women when they're not interested or genuinely are taken.

As it just so happens, one of my friends who I was meeting for coffee later in the day had something similar happen -- a crazy story, which was all just a ploy to get her number... after realizing this, we almost spurted coffee in eachothers faces thinking about how dumb these lines actually are!

We told a few other friends, and some of them encountered some bizarre pickup attempts too -- at which point we all knew something was up. Something stupid... after running into one of the guys again, I asked him what that was all about.

I got an apology, as well as clued into a mysterious thing called "PUA".

After looking into it, I was amazed to find communities of guys online who discuss "openers", and how to (try) and build attraction with stories that demonstrate how "cool" they are, and how witty, sexy, or charming they can be.

After chuckling to myself about it, I brushed it off as some silly trend - until I actually saw a TV show called "The Pickup Artist", where guys actually use these routines on women.

As mind-blowingly silly as these routines is, I seem to have a run in with these kinds of routines every few months or so -- and without fail, I can tell immediately that its a canned line just for the purpose of trying to pick me up.

I have to decline... but even if I was single I have no doubt they would never work.

Most of my friends also feel the same way. The stories, and social gimmicks they use are becoming less obvious -- but when you start playing games with women... it becomes all too obvious.

So what DOES work?

As a woman, I personally feel that being genuine is far more attractive than using fake confidence, fake stories, and fake personality traits to "charm" women.

In fact, I have a few guy friends who were very quiet and shy that I have dated in the past and even met my husband through a real interaction - no stories about midgets, crazy ex-girlfriends, cheating, or drama.

The moral of the story is that relationships take the time to develop - and if you build it on something like a made up story, or being someone you're not, it's eventually going to crumble away. That's not to say it NEVER works, I'm sure it does, or it wouldn't be such a huge industry judging by a number of ads I see for ridiculous PUA/dating products).

Real love is built over time, and being genuine with someone, so they can be genuine with you back... anything else is just asking for trouble.

"I don't want no fly guy, I just want a shy guy "

- Diana King, Shy Guy


Thank you for reading,

- Leilani

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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To The Man Who Gave Me The World And Never Stopped Trying To Do So

Even though I don't say it enough, you really do bring me sunshine every day.

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To the man who has given me the world,

I feel like I never truly do give you the appreciation you deserve. After full two years of dating someone that I look up to, you have shown me ways of life no one has before.

I know there are so many girls out there writing letters to their boyfriends online, and I might just be another one of those girls, but this is more of a thank you than a love letter.


Thank you for picking me back up when no one else would.

Through all the fake friends who have backstabbed me multiple times and for all the girls who I have lost as friends, you knew I was stuck in such a tough situation and you still continued to make it better. You were the one who put a smile back onto my face and you were the one who took me out and brought me out of my comfort zone so I can find a new meaning of happiness.

Thank you for understanding my anger.

Sometimes I get angry, and I get into bad moods that I can't control. For some reason you understand it, and you don't push me for answers. You know I will open up sooner or later and the time might not be now but it might be later and you understand that and you accept that. That is all I ever asked for, for someone to not push my buttons when I don't want them pushed.


Thank you for making me laugh when I feel like crying.

You always know when I'm upset, but you won't push me past my limit. You crack dumb jokes and do stupid things that will make me laugh till my stomach hurts, and it usually ends up working. Even through the hardest of times when I have to fight back tears and get rid of the choking feeling in my throat, you manage to get rid of it so fast by making me laugh so hard that the tears that do come out aren't from sadness.

Thank you for always taking care of me.

It feels good to know someone always has your back and will always take care of me. Even through my car accident and the injuries I got, you still took the time out of your day to take me to my doctor's appointments. You massaged my back, made me food, and gave me all the blankets I could possibly ever need. You will kiss me a million times no matter how sick I am. You do all of this to make sure I'm okay and I'm alive and I'm more than grateful for that.

Thank you for always putting me first.

You put my happiness before yours constantly. You will do anything for me. I wanted to go to college in Florida and you dropped everything and followed me, You left all of your best friends behind because you wanted to continue your life with me. You've skipped English class more times than I can count to take me to my physical therapy appointments, or my injection appointments, You've done more for me than you have for yourself.


Thank you for being my person.

Not sure how my life would be if I didn't have you in it. You've been in it for so long that it would be too hard to let you go. You know me more than I know myself. You know what makes me smile so hard. You know how eggs literally are so gross to me. You know how to make me fall asleep in seconds (a secret no one else knows). You know how my biggest pet peeve is horrible drivers. You know how lemonade is my favorite drink of all time. You know how I wait 3 weeks to do laundry. You know how I suck at saving money. You know what shows to put on to make me fall asleep at night. You know every little thing about me, and there is no one else in the world that knows so much about me. You are my person, my forever person.

Thank you for giving me the world and for continuing to do so. Thank you for being you.

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