During a recent conversation between my boyfriend and one of his "buddies," the topic turned to how Ryan is "so bad with girls." This immediately peaked my interest and I began to question what he meant. It never striked me that this outspoken, preppy, total jokester, gymrat guy, lacked so much confidence around females. The more we spoke, the more invested I became. He agreed to be completely honest during our interview.
Q:"What happens when you meet a girl who you are attracted to?"
A:"Um. Well, I get really nervous and probably will not talk to them. I have very low self-confidence and self-esteem when it comes to women."
Q:"Why do you think that is?"
A:"I used to be really short, skinny and awkward. That part of me (the awkwardness) definitely stayed with me. For a frame of reference, going into high school I was about five feet tall, 100 pounds and had braces."
Q:"So has your idea of yourself from high school continued into the adult view of yourself?"
A:"Essentially, I still feel very uncomfortable around women. The inadequacy factor has definitely followed me. And there is also the personal aspect of letting people close to me, because of emotional situations I've been in. I feel like I'm going to let them down."
Q:"Has there even been a situation with a woman that encouraged your feeling of inadequacy?"
A:"No, probably just the opposite."
Q:"Hypothetically, you're at a party and a cute girl comes over and starts a conversation with you. What next? How do you respond? What are you thinking?"
A:"Alright, very, very valid question. Am I drunk or sober? That has very much to do with how I act."
Q:"Let's start with sober."
A:"Sober, I'm assuming she is not actually coming up to me. There's no way that's happening. Now if she comes up and starts talking, I am assuming it's not because she is interested in me. I'm also really, really bad at picking up hints. Let's say somehow I realize this girl is interested, 100% chance I blow it."
Q:"Why wouldn't she be interested? How would you blow it?"
A:"I don't know. It's me, and girls aren't interested in me."
Q:"Would you ever approach a female?"
A:"F*** no. Not unless I'm hammered."
Q:"What would happen if you were intoxicated?"
A:"If I'm drunk, my care level is at a zero, most likely. I'm not really concerned with failing or not, I guess. I do as little talking as possible. Most that would happen, is we makeout against a wall. Then I end up leaving without knowing her name."
Q:"Assuming your night is going well, why not ask a name? Or start a conversation?"
A:"Um. You know maybe I do sometimes and I'm too drunk to remember it. Or, I have no faith it'll go anywhere, even when I'm drunk."
Q:"So what would the ideal situation be in order to hit it off?"
A:"For me? Oh, I'm not like most guys. I don't know because I've never like hit it off with a girl. I've had one actual relationship in my life. I didn't kiss a girl until my senior year of high school. But I've never had a situation where I hit it off with a girl and then went on a date, no."
Q:"What led you to that point in high school?"
A:"Like I said, I was really tiny and awkward. I don't know. All of a sudden, I wasn't anymore and girls started to look at me differently, which was very, very new to me."
Q:"Do you wish that it was easier to communicate with girls?"
A:"I definitely wish I could be more confident around girls. I don't want things to be different, because then I would have to be different. I don't want to be someone different than who I am. It's just difficult for me to accept that a girl would want me for who I am."
After concluding our interview, I found it fascinating that this button-down wearing, college guy has many of the same insecurities and worries that many of my female friends do. People are not what they seem on the outside. Just because someone is a "lax-bro," wears a certain brand, or uses current slang does not make them a tool. Give people the benefit of the doubt and try to get to know them before making judgements. Interviewing Ryan has definitely opened my eyes and will be a reminder to double check myself and steer clear of generalizations. Huge thanks to @rhamboner11 for the interview.
