To every man that has ever tried to make me feel that I'm not good enough, shame on you. No time wasted should be wasted with someone who is not worth your time and values.
I've only been in two serious relationships. My last relationship was my first serious adult one, and that ended almost 2 years ago this month. They broke up with me via text only to give the explanation of 'I don't deserve you.' In that moment I couldn't even cry, just question...why? What made them decide to not only be a coward and break my heart through the phone, but not even having enough courage to tell me what the problem was in person.
Through our whole relationship, I paid nothing but attention to them. They know that other guys who tried to get my attention meant nothing to me. They were someone that I once cared about, but after that move, I realized many things afterward that was so relieving that they don't even cross my mind these days.
Two of my best guy friends tried to tell me that I deserve better. They were right. I'm embarrassed because of how much of a waste of time I realized certain things were, but all I can do now is learn from it and be better than ever.
One thing I've learned is that when your significant other does not have a good relationship with your friends, it was never meant to be anyway. Your friends and your family are two groups of people that tend to always give you the reality check that you need.
I'm glad that I have the support system that I have because without them, I would not be in the position that I am currently holding right now. They have gotten me through the good and the bad. There's a reason why we hold one another so close together. So I'm no longer mad about them breaking up with me. I now realize that they did me a favor.
In that order, relationships are certainly hard to find these days especially if all your peers seem to be in one. Being single certainly has its perks, but also has its cons. As fun as it can be sometimes, it would be nice once in a while to be around someone who takes you out for daily dates. I've been on many little ones before, but to have one on a daily basis would be great. I know they always that the right one comes when you least expect it, the question is when is it least expected? How do you know that the right one is out there? Do you just have to stop looking in order for one to come?
If there's anything that I've learned about my last relationship it is to not let any man make you feel bad about the important views you have. Being unapologetically black is something I don't plan on saying sorry for any time soon. It's something I've learned to embrace, and I've grown to be in love with it more and more through each day. My last significant other would try to tell me that certain 'views' that I had were not a big deal. That is something that I should have marked as a red flag a long time ago. There are certain qualities that a man should have and one of them is respecting you and the views that you have. If your significant other has views that are somewhat problematic...make that noticeable for yourself.
Certain men, or should I say, boys, have tried to tell me that I get too 'political'. So because I care about issues that affect my community that makes me 'too' much of something. Because I'm pro black that should not make any man uncomfortable other than the fact that they should say 'I'm proud of you and what you stand for.' Before I get any further I want to explain that I do not have any need to change anyone's opinions because, in the end, it's just simply a waste of time. But if I have to feel bad about being proud of who I am, it's a shameful thing for anyone to do, period.
There was a period where I was not confident with my body. I felt that I was not good enough for any guy because of the way that I looked. I was friends with someone who always made it a priority to make me feel that my body type wasn't good enough and that hers was accepted by society. Not only is this individual no longer my life, but her insecurities have allowed me to become more and more body confident about myself every day.
There is a difference between wanting a certain body type to get people's attention, and wanting a healthier body. Being healthy and taking care of myself is something that I strive for each and every single day. Not because I'm 'thirsty' for likes on social media. It is simply because I love my features, and I'm not out to impress ANY of you. Natural is always beautiful and better. Any man that sees our bodies as tools and sexual objects are not men. They are still living out their little boy fantasies that they continue to see through social media.
A true man loves a woman for who she is and not her body. If that's all you're chasing after, you don't deserve any woman for that matter. Someone who I once thought genuinely liked me for who I was and once made all the effort to reach out to me doesn't even give me the time of day anymore. The only time they will is if I'm near the area that he lives near, or on his own time when he only wants to be with me sexually. Don't say I'm a beautiful woman only to use me for sex.
If you don't want to be friends or be in a relationship stop wasting my time and grow up! It does however hurt that at one point when you came to visit you started talking to someone else, and nothing hurts more thinking that you're simply not good enough for someone. It doesn't make you honest, quite frankly it makes you a jackass! I'll just leave that there.
When the right one comes along you will know. Eventually, I know that will be the case for myself. All I ask is that he respects me, my body, and my loved ones around me that have been there for me. As frustrating as it seems, I know he's out there.