Dear You,
It’s been a long time, like, almost a year since I’ve last spoken with you. It’s been a year of ups and downs and moments where I have never doubted my self-worth more. It’s been a year of confusion, heartbreak and poor decisions, trying to get over a jerk like you who I once loved with all my heart.
It’s been a year of my mom cursing your name while also telling me to wipe my tears away because you, the boy I once loved, broke me. A year of my father looking at me, wondering what his little girl ever did to deserve such treatment.
When we broke up, I thought my whole life was over. You were a part of my past, present and future. Picturing a life without you seemed unbearable.
That’s the thing, though. Life was bearable, and life was a lot better with less negativity and more positive self-dialogue. Less time spent focusing on how to make you happy and how to be the best girlfriend around.
I often wondered, were you OK? Was your life less negative? Did you have more time to yourself since that awful day? The amount of time and effort I spent on making you happy was equivalent to the time you spent for me, right?
Nope. It wasn’t. See, I’ve come to the conclusion that while I was busy giving you every part of my heart, you were busy worrying about yourself. While I was bringing you little gifts to cheer you up, you were thinking about silly, little items and parts of the outside world – all related to you.
It’s been a year.
They call it your first love for a reason, you know. It’s not meant to be your last. You taught me the importance of loving yourself before anyone else can, to consider yourself in addition to the person you're with and most importantly to not shy away from being caring (clingy, as guys call it) because one day, someone is really going to appreciate that loving characteristic.
You taught me that my body has an endless supply of tears and just how much some people love to hurt others. You showed me my ultimate fears and fed off of my anxiety. You showed me how I don’t deserve to be treated by a boyfriend, and you showed me how little you truly cared about me. You showed me what it’s like to feel empty and alone.
But, guess what? I’m not that little girl anymore. I’m not who I was when you left me, and I’m certainly not ever going to let someone like you hurt me so deeply again. Looking back at the girl you knew, I see weakness and desperation for your love and the fear of not living each day without you.
Surprise because here I am today, a woman. No longer some little girl you can push around or take for granted. I walk this Earth now with purpose and drive, something you never gave me. It’s sad to see you repeating this same process to another girl. I hope one day she, too, will find her inner-self and ability to grow stronger than your words and actions. I also hope one day you are able to find the strength and courage to become a man because all you are right now is a small, weak, little boy afraid of loving and being better than plenty of hopeless men before you.
With nothing but positive thoughts your way,
Me
