By medical definition, maybe I wasn't depressed. But by my own definition, I was at a place in my life like I had never been before.
Just to be clear, I had awesome friends, an amazing family and an all-around great life. I just knew that something was missing and I wanted so badly for that void to be filled I sometimes let it consume me. I can honestly say I know this wasn't something that loving and supporting friends and family could bring me out of, it was something only the Father could do and he did it through the man I one day hope to call my husband.
I had always been a cheerful, rainbows and sunshine girl. I had always been "Miss Optimistic." I had always been a "put on some mascara and a smile and maybe they won't know" person. I had always been someone who felt every emotion to the fullest, but also a person who wanted to contain my sadness and self despair.
I don't think I was depressed simply because I didn't have someone, I think it was because I knew I didn't have the right one, but I was hoping I did. I wanted the wrong one to be the right one. I wanted someone to love me the way I loved them. And that was something I thought I would never have.
There were days I struggled getting out of bed and one day in particular where I simply didn't. I couldn't bring myself to put on a smile that day. I simply had had heart break after heart break and it eventually took its toll on me.
But through all of this, I have come to the conclusion that God was working for me and on me. At times, I felt as if I was calling and crying for God to heal my broken heart and to put me with the person He wanted me to be with. But the answer came as soon as I stopped looking for a solution and stopped trying to fix things on my own.
My answer came in the form of a brown-haired, green-eyed, handsome, hardworking, kind, loving, compassionate man. And I must say, Jesus got me that time. He took me completely by surprise and, let me tell you, that was the best surprise I had ever gotten.
It was hard watching my friends be happy in their relationships, watching exes move on, and believing countless lies told to me by someone who was never worth my time.
But I can joyfully say that all of that pain was worth the plan God had for me, and I believe that is exactly what He was trying to teach me.
He taught me to trust in Him and He would deliver.
He taught me to submit my desires fully to Him and to refrain from taking them back.
He put a genuine smile back on my face and He taught me that His timing is everything.
He reminded me that His plan was greater.
He reminded me the beauty of the rainbow was worth the pain of the storm.
So I am thankful for my Father in Heaven for bringing me the man I needed here on this earth to bring unspeakable joy back into my aching soul. I am thankful everyday for the sweet man that he is and for the way he has taught me what a lady should be treated like. I am thankful for his selfless love and compassion. I am thankful for the person he is and for the people we are both becoming.
