Since I'm having trouble focusing and getting important things done this week, I've decided to write this wonderful guide to procrastinating.

Step 1: Think about all of the things you need to do. This list can be made up of homework assignments, applications to be filled out, letters or other documents to be mailed, emails to be sent, just about anything of importance.

Step 2: Lie down.

Step 3: Pick up your phone and scroll through your favorite social media platforms.

Step 4: Realize you've just spent the last two and a half hours getting lost in the scary depths of Tumblr or whatever other social media you enjoy.

Step 5: Realize you're now that much closer to your deadline and scold yourself, internally or externally, whichever you prefer.

Step 6: This one is really important. Do not get up yet. To go through this process correctly, you need to get distracted. Your best bet would be to head on over to Facebook and watch all of those really interesting videos on weird recipes or hairstyles or the science updates. They pull you right in and make you forget all of your responsibilities.

Step 7: Spend a few more hours wasting your precious time and forgetting all about how long it actually takes to finish that one assignment.

Step 8: Have a mini freakout because your deadline is approaching, and fast, but you've still got some time. Start preparing and organizing your thoughts in your head. Don't do anything physically yet. *Depending on your timeline or personality, this step may come later on in the day, night, week or month for you.

Step 9: Repeat steps seven-eight as needed.

Step 10: OMG! Deadline is practically right meow (that's cat language for right now, in case you needed the translation. Not everyone speaks cat)! It's now going to be a mad dash to get all of your things done on time and done well. Hurry!

Step 11: Take a short (or not so short) break. During this time, you should probably have a full-blown meltdown or freakout. I like to spend these by resting my forehead against my desk, sobbing, questioning my sanity, and other tasks similar to these. Rest assured that whatever works for you will probably suffice, though.

Step 12: The deadline has passed. For those of you who somehow developed magic powers and got all of your work done on time and didn't hand in blank papers, rock on. You're the real MVP. I don't know how you did it, but I'm a proud fellow procrastinator. You go, Glen Coco. For those of you who unfortunately did not manage to get everything done or at least done well, here's something I've forced myself to repeat to myself every time I think I mess up: Life will go on and you'll be OK.

Making mistakes is literally a part of being human. We need to make mistakes to experience, learn, and grow. Take what you've learned from this round and use it next time. Maybe skip Step nine in the future. Or, if you're better than me, learn how to manage your time a little better and figure out the best ways to keep yourself on-task and out of the downward spiral that is procrastination. You'll be alright, no matter what happens.

Step 13: Hopefully you won't make a habit of procrastinating, but it happens sometimes. If it does happen, feel free to come back and use this magnificent guide as a reference as needed. If it doesn't happen again, well, I'm happy for you. You're one of the lucky few. Good luck out there, kiddo. See ya around.

*Note: I do not condone procrastinating. I think it is an unnecessary and evil part of mortal life. We should pass laws against procrastinating. Use religion and other things like that to pray for people who suffer from this terrible, terrible obstacle in life. Can there be exorcisms for this horrid spirit that clouds our people's minds? We shall try.

Please, warn your children and wives of this unfortunate happening. Tell them to study hard and stay focused. I beg of you! Stay safe, my people. Stay safe. *Tear rolls down cheek. Slow, sad classical music plays quietly in the background.* *Whispering* Stay safe.