Standing up for yourself is something that we all have to learn how to do. There are people in this world who will walk all over you if you let them. However, there is a way to go about demanding what you deserve. It takes plenty of trial and error, but what in life doesn't?
Step 1: Calm down.
When we are slighted, we flare up. But you can't be taken seriously if you are just flying by the seat of your pants. If it isn't an immediate problem, take 24 hours. If it is time-sensitive, walk away for a while. Feel free to tell whoever you are talking to that the issue is going to be discussed, but you just want to take some time for yourself.
Step 2: Figure out exactly what it is that you want.
Whether it is an apology or just for someone to hear your frustrations, decide that going in. This will determine the words you choose and what direction you decide to take the conversation. The ball is in your court and you can throw it any way you would like, but you need to pinpoint why you are feeling the way you are feeling and what you want before you come to the table.
Step 3: Craft your message.
Whether it is a text, email or a face-to-face confrontation, figure out what you want to say. You usually don't have to worry about someone interrupting you, but if you feel it may be a problem, address that before hand. Each word you use carries a different weight and that means that you need to pick the perfect ones.
Step 4: Be aware of the other person's ego and their tendency to project.
When people go into a defensive mode, they tend to pick out the smallest parts of what you said and turn it around. They will accuse you of saying or meaning something that you might not have. When this happens, you just need to reiterate exactly what you said. Explain what you meant if there is still any confusion.
Step 5: Stay on track.
Don't get side-tracked. Confrontation can get messy and they can get even messier if you start dragging in unrelated issues, so you need to address the current issue and nothing else. If the other person tries to sidetrack you, remind them what the issue at hand is and move along.
Step 6: Stand strong.
People don't like being confronted and will outright refuse to have you speak to them that way. Remember that you are worth standing up for and you aren't a bad person for doing it. Just because you are standing up for yourself and confronting an issue doesn't make you any less than a person who is standing up for themselves.
Step 7: Be as nice as you can until you can't anymore.
Be respectful and kind, but firm. Kill with kindness. However, sometimes, that doesn't work. People can take things to a real nasty level when they feel threatened. Keep your head high and only go for their jugular if it is absolutely necessary. Never insult a person's character because those are cheap digs and you are better than that. You don't have to be the loudest in the room to be heard. But just make sure that they understand that you will not be trifled with.
Step 8: Remember that silence is golden.
You don't always have to get the last word to win. Silence can be just as powerful as your words. Let the other person stew and be pissed and feel however they want to. You said your piece and you don't have to keep engaging with a person once you feel like you have nothing else to say.
Things can get a little complicated when there is a power differential or a relationship that must remain in tact, but this just means that you must use a little bit more tact. Regardless of who you are dealing with, they do not get to disrespect you.
If you don't stand up for yourself, no one else will. You are worth being treated the right way and people need to be reminded of that. You are capable of reminding them.
