Life used to be easy.
I used to be innocent. I used to believe in fairytales and unicorns, and that “the sun would always come out tomorrow"; I was stuck in a daydream. But I woke up.
Everything happens for a reason, and people don't just come into your life by coincidence.
I can't tell you how many times this phrase has been the anthem to my life. But I probably could tell you how many times I've wanted to pick it up, say f*k it, and throw it out the window.
I woke up when Mom and Dad told me that Grandpa was now looking down on me from the brightest star in the sky. I woke up when a family friend drank her life away. I woke up when I learned that the real reason my friend wasn't at school was because she had a brain tumor. I woke up when a fatal habit got the best of my uncle in the form of lung cancer. I woke up again when the same disease took my aunt under different circumstances. I woke up when rape and suicide became real issues in the lives of those around me. I woke up one day to find that the world wasn't quite as great as I had once thought it was.
It's funny looking back on it all. Realizing how much changes as you grow up. You learn right from wrong, left from right. You learn how to read. How to write a five-paragraph essay. You're taught to find the good in people. To believe in them and to trust them. And then you're told to forget it. Forget it all.
You realize the lines between right and wrong aren't so black and white and that gray is a better fitting shade. You're told to throw out that five-paragraph essay mindset and explore your own style. You're faced with difficulties that have you wondering how anyone in this world can continue to search for the good in a sea of bad. You're wondering why you ever believed anything your teachers told you. Wondering what was even the point.
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes things happen that we don't like. Sometimes all you want to do is quit. But that doesn't mean that you should. Life is about getting through the hardships. It's about finding the silver lining. Life is like a roller coaster. Every up, down, flip, and turn on this rollercoaster will lead you somewhere new. Somewhere you're supposed to be. The only difference is, you can't get off.
You will be faced with tragedies that almost break you. You will have to make decisions that will tear you apart. You will be heart wrenched with sorrow that leaves you hopeless. And you will be left wondering how in the world you're supposed to do it.
Let me just tell you now, you're not going to be handed any answers.
Everything happens for a reason, and people don't just come into your life by coincidence. This is the motto I preached to a room full of tear-y eyed juniors on a retreat called kairos. It's the motto that I try to live my life by. But it's also a motto that sometimes doesn't make any sense at all to me.
How can I stand on the sidelines and watch as my friends and family crumble and still think that “everything happens for a reason"? How can I watch as loved ones, mentors, and role models shatter to pieces before my eyes, and comfort myself with the idea of a “silver lining"? How can I believe that it's okay that bad things happen to good people?
Sitting here now, it's hard. It's hard to believe that any of that's true. It's hard to believe that people are put in your life just so that you can watch them suffer. It's hard to believe that people are put in your life just so that you can watch them die. It's hard to believe that any one out there, be it some all-powerful being or God, would make life so hard. Would make life so unhappy. But I do.
I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I do believe that people don't just come into your life by coincidence. Life is hard. And life is sad. But it's not all bad.
Everything happens for a reason and people don't just come into your life by coincidence.
Life may sometimes be marked by the tragedies, but most often it is marked by the celebrations. Baby's first steps, First Communions, first dates, sweet sixteens, college acceptances, prom, first beers… 21st birthdays (because we all know which one comes first), first jobs, engagement parties, baby showers, mid-life “crises", retirement parties, and as counter-intuitive as it may seem, funerals. Life is meant for celebration. It is meant for learning. It is meant for trial and error. It is meant for making memories.
Sometimes the memories are good, and sometimes the memories are bad. But each and every story. Each and every person that walks into and out of your life. Each and every memory. Happened for a reason. Was put there for a reason. Was remembered for a reason.
So remember when you're sitting there, struggling to find reason to believe in something, you may not know now, but you will one day. You'll wake up and find that although the world isn't always a nice place, if you make the most of what you're given, you can have a pretty swell time.
