Painful social interactions are almost inevitable when a person's ethnicity is ambiguous. As someone with both American-European and Pacific Islander heritage, I’ve encountered my fair share of cringe-worthy moments with strangers, from an alumnus of my college greeting me with, “ni hao,” to a saleswoman assuming my father and I were married.
This discomfort, faced by anyone who looks so-called exotic, can be traced to the assumptions people make as to the ethnic origins of the person they deem as other. A wise person once said that “assumptions make asses out of you and me.” So here’s a short guide on how to reduce ass-ness when interacting with people whose ethnicity is ambiguouis, and persons in general.
DO greet them with “hello" in English, or the predominant language of whatever country you’re in.
DO NOT greet them with “hello” in the language of the country you assume they’re from.
DO wait to pop the question, "What is your ethnic background?"
The answer to this question should not determine whether or not you continue your relationship with them (if it does, then you’re looking for a token and that’s problematic). So why would it be one of the first questions you ask? Keep in mind they might not even be as exotic as you expect.
DO NOT tell someone what their ethnic composition is.
They know more about the topic than you do. Similarly, do not play the ethnic guessing game: Are you Chinese? No, I’m... Then you’re Japanese? No. I’m...
The game continues until the person of ambiguous ethnicity clarifies their genealogy or walks away.
DO have patience if the person whose ethnicity is ambiguous shows annoyance with you.
Chances are they’re not upset with you, in particular; they’re just frustrated about undergoing the ethnic inquisition for the umpteenth time.
DO NOT ask someone “What are you?” Ever. People are people, humans, or homo sapiens -- if you want to get technical.
They are not "whats."
DO NOT ask someone, “Where are you from?” with the ulterior motive of trying to figure out what their ethnic make-up is.
Equally frustrating questions include, but are not limited to: “Where are you really from?” “Where were you born?” and “Where do you come from?”
DO remember that skin color is not always an accurate representation of someone’s cultural background.
DO NOT accuse someone of cultural appropriation before knowing their background.
On a similar note, if you're ethnicity is ambiguous, do not accuse someone of being racist just because they incorrectly categorize your heritage.
DO live by the golden rule: treat others as you would want to be treated.
Not sure if someone will take a question the wrong way? Consider if you'd want to the question posed to you, and then decide whether to speak or not.
Now, go out into the world and put an end to the painful social situations experienced by people of ambiguous ethnicity everywhere!
