A Grumpy Girl's Guide To Being Less Annoyed With People

A Grumpy Girl's Guide To Being Less Annoyed With People

The first step is admitting you have a problem.

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I am the first one to admit that some days I don't like other people very much. I promise I am not an awful person, it is not always easy to handle every situation with patience and understanding. I know I am not alone in these feelings. I have found that the greatest way to combat this is to understand the error in why we feel this way.

The biggest contributor to this is when you believe that the people around you are all acting against you or in a malicious way. Did someone cut you off in traffic? Bad driver. Someone messed up your order? They have no attention to detail. Someone doesn't do their part at work? They are a lazy person.

This is thanks to a psychological phenomenon called the Fundamental Attribution Error.

There are two ways we use to explain the behavior of ourselves and others.

A dispositional attribution means that you explain behavior as a result of someone's disposition or who they are. For example, someone brings you a cookie because they are nice.

A situational attribution means that you explain behavior as a result of the situation or the circumstances. An example is someone brings you a cookie because they had extras.

The Fundamental Attribution Error states that, when evaluating other's behavior, we tend to overestimate the influence of dispositional attribution and underestimate the role of situational disposition.

Going back to the examples before, someone cut you off in traffic? You might have been in their blind spot. They could have needed to quickly change lanes to avoid an obstacle. They may have just made an isolated mistake at that moment. Someone messed up your order? Maybe they misheard you because it was too loud. They could have not gotten a good night's sleep and aren't as sharp as they usually are. Someone doesn't do their part? They could have a personal issue going on. They could be sick that day. They could not have been able to eat that morning and are distracted by the thought of food.

When we assume that other's actions are due to their disposition, we struggle to empathize with people and tend to misconstrue their actions as attacks on us. If you were to think of yourself in this situation, you would define your actions as a product of the situation and not a reflection of who you are.

If you check your thinking in these situations, you will find it much easier to tolerate people if their actions are just a result of the situation they are in. This helps you be much more understanding and will save your mood!

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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It's 2019, And I Still Use A Weekly Planner

There is something about physically writing things down for that makes it easier to remember dates and deadlines.

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Even with all the technology that is available to us nowadays, I still use an old-fashioned planner. I keep it in my backpack and you will see me pull it out if I need to add events for that week. Usually I will review the syllabus for my classes at the start of each semester and put down the important test dates or dates for other assignments. By doing this, I get a visual outline of what each will look like and what weeks will be extra heavy with school and other clubs that I am involved in on campus. Even though having this is a nice tool to help plan ahead and budget my time, it is by no means a failsafe. Sometimes I get this feeling that I forgot to do something that day but can't think of what it is. When this happens, I can refer back to my planner and look to see if I missed anything. The key point is to not forget to write things down, otherwise, all will be lost.

With today's technology, iPhones can do pretty much anything, I am aware that there is google calendar which can be synced up with a MacBook as well. This doesn't work for me because it takes too long to enter the events in my phone and I have not grown used to it. Another point is that I don't have a MacBook so it would only be accessible from my phone. I have found that it is just quicker to jot an event down by hand in my planner. For some people this might seem like a hassle having to pull out their planner when wanting to write down something they need to accomplish for that day. Since people spend a lot of time being on their laptops or phones it would be more convenient for them, being that they know how to work the app.

Either way, keeping a daily schedule or planner has many benefits. As mentioned before, it can help reduce the possibility of forgetting important due dates for exams or projects and other deadlines. Writing things down can also help reduce stress. There are times where there is too much on our plate to handle at once, we might have the feeling that everything needs to get done, which can be overwhelming. When I put things down on paper, it doesn't seem as bad and I can take care of what needs to be done at the moment and then work from there. I feel great after checking off a couple things from my to-do list because I can see that progress is being made.

Another use is to build in some time to relax or just time for yourself into your daily or weekly schedule, this can prevent the feeling of being burned out. Building in free time should have limits, especially for people who may spend too much time watching Netflix or Television. I would know because there are times where it can feel like hours go by and I haven't accomplished anything productive.

I highly recommend anyone who is in college to keep a planner, otherwise the stress can be too much to handle.

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