One Direction, seemingly the World’s Biggest Boyband™, released their fifth album in five years on Nov. 13, 2015. Entitled “Made in the A.M.”, the album is the band’s first since Zayn Malik left in March of this year. The album is comprised of 17 songs, ranging from rock to indie to their traditional pop roots.

"Made in the A.M." is a clash from their first album, 2011’s “Up All Night” which set the stage for what many assumed would be another Simon Cowell bubblegum pop machine. Their most recent album represents a growth from factory-produced boys in matching outfits to men who have designed the sound and image they want to share with the world. This album is a pause from their hectic lifestyle and turbulent 2015, as the boys will be taking an extended break for about a year beginning in 2016.

...But since I’m a sophisticated adult with an unironic love of this band, I took it upon myself to listen intensely to every chord progression and vocal octave resting in each corner of the album. So, I present to you, a completely unbiased* reaction and review to “Made in the A.M.”

* just kidding, this will be completely biased

Listen to the album here, and feel free to read along to the songs.

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Track 1: Hey Angel

• The song Harry kept tweeting about, which made everyone think it was going to be sad, when really it’s just a bop.
• “Oh I wish I could be more like you” / “Do you wish you could be more like me?”
• I see that becoming everyone’s Instagram selfie captions until the end of time.
• Airy voices with a soft 80s ballad vibe.
• Great opener to the album.

Track 2: Drag Me Down

• The song that Beyonce’d us.
• I’m still not over this song, to be honest, because it really showcases their true progression from bouncy pop tracks to a rockier, more mature sound. I think many forget they were 16/17/18 when they started, so they needed to develop and experiment with their edginess before committing to a distinct sound.
• Sorry, that was an actual serious review?
• Also, Harry’s high notes...I can feel my soul physically escape my body.

Track 3: Perfect

• Harry is asked in literally every interview if this song was written about Taylor.
• First off, who cares? Second, if it is, I think it’s hilarious, because Harry never talks about anything.
• “And if you’re looking for someone to write your breakup songs about” / “Baby, I’m perfect”
• Please write that line on my grave, thanks.
• Very pop, but this is the proverbial “radio single”, so it doesn’t always match the tone of the overall album.
• But, let’s end this with Harry lying on his back in the music video.

• Above: Styles, Harry. Perfect. Sculpture. 2015. Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Track 4: Infinity

• I’m being completely serious when I say I was convinced this was about Zayn at first.
• ...Not my favorite. GOOD, but not my favorite.
• Actually, this would sound better on their last album, “Four” as it’s a stadium ballad, which was the theme behind the last album.
• I will say, Niall’s solos highlight a softness in his voice you can’t really hear in songs on previous albums.

Track 5: End of the Day

• "ALL I KNOW

IS YOU WANT WHAT YOU WANT AND YOU SAY WHAT YOU SAY"

• The key change from the verses to the chorus always catches me off guard.
• Very cute and uplifting song.
• But much like “Story of My Life”, I have no idea what this song is about.

Track 6: If I Could Fly

• Let’s begin this by saying I’m sad and I hate One Direction.
• The only thing I ask of this song, is if there’s a music video, I want Louis playing the piano in the dark with a single spotlight, and Harry on top of the piano like this:

• This is a pretty traditional piano ballad.
• But, this could be performed as an acapella, and their voices layer together in harmony, but you can still hear them individually.

Track 7: Long Way Down

• Lowkey, I really hate this song because IT’S SO SAD.
• “We built it up so high and now I’m falling” / “It’s a long way down”
• "Point of no return" / "And now it's just too late to turn around"
• To me, this sounds like they’re talking about the break, and worrying they might not have the same success when they come back.
• That’s probably not what it is, that's just the former English major in me.
• Let's just pretend it's about Zayn.
• Slow tempo and bold vocals is the best way I can describe this.

Track 8: Never Enough

• Jimmy Fallon’s barbershop quartet meets emotionally compromised boys in their early 20s?
• Listen to what I’m saying:
• Lots of screaming and “AUOOOGH”-ing.
• I’m into it.
• “Lips so good I forget my name” ...Shut up, Neil.
• Apparently we’re all welcome to take One Direction’s love and break their hearts.
• Funny, because that’s exactly what they’ve done to me the last five years.

Track 9: Olivia

• “Willy Wonka” meets the Beatles.
• I hope every girl named Olivia appreciates this.
• Also, this is much better than 2013’s “Diana” (sorry to all the Dianas out there.)
• The strings in this are so beautiful (this is coming from an ex-violinist.)
• “I’ve been idolizing the light in your eyes, Olivia”
• Thanks, Harold, now I’m changing my name to Olivia.

Track 10: What a Feeling

• Can we talk about how One Direction can sing multiple styles of music?
• It’s very groovy, and yes, I did just unironically use the word “groovy.”
• So. Many. Fleetwood. Mac. Vibes.
• A really pretty roller disco dance track written by a band who can’t dance.
• *Louis Tomlinson voice* Absolutely incredible.
• This is me:

Track 11: Love You Goodbye

• I want to know who hurt Louis so I can fight them.
• LOUIS ALSO HAS A HIGH NOTE.
• I love Louis, if you can’t tell.
• “Oh, why are you wearing that to walk out of my life?”
• I can’t even believe that line was written by the same band who wrote “chinny chin chins.”

Track 12: I Want to Write You a Song

• It’s very faint, but at the end you can hear a pencil scribbling onto paper.
• You know, boys, I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.
• Very lullaby-like.
• Great for driving in the rain, or drinking a cup of tea when you’re sad.
• “Everything I need I get from you.”
• Their voices are very soft and delicate and gentle and I’m sad. :-)

Track 13: History

• According to Liam, this song is about Zayn.
• Ziam is real.
• Louis’s solo once again has taken another victim.
• Louis also called this the “Toy Story” song.
• “Thought we were going strong” / “Thought we were holding on” ...OKAY.
• @Zayn what do you think about this?
• Basically the whole song:

Track 14: Temporary Fix

• I feel personally victimized by Harry’s solo.
• This is Harry (and me) at 2:14:
• Niall “actual human Furby” Horan wrote this, a song about one night stands. Incredible. Give this a Grammy.
• If you listened to 2014’s “No Control” and 2013’s “Midnight Memories”, it’s almost as if they had a baby.
• 10/10 would suggest driving down the highway blasting this.

Track 15: Walking in the Wind

• Harry wrote this, citing his love of Paul Simon.
• “We had some good times, didn't we?” / “We had some good tricks up our sleeve” / “Goodbyes are bittersweet” / “But it's not the end” / “I'll see your face again”
• ...Y’all are not even trying to be subtle anymore.
• This song is very “Graceland” meets 1D’s 2013 song “Through the Dark” and 2014 song “Ready to Run.”
  
  

Track 16: Wolves

• Another tribute to Jimmy Fallon’s barbershop quartet.
• Featuring lyrics about men trying to prey on women in clubs.
• Are the members of One Direction feminists? Coming up next on Dateline.
• Lots of howling.
• All I want is a music video of them in a 50s diner with quiffed hair, motorcycle jackets, sweater vests, and pink Cadillacs...is that asking too much?

Track 17: A.M.

• “We’re just swimming ‘round in our glasses” / “Talking out of our asses”
• Who knew 2015 would be the year One Direction finally swore in a song? The last time that nearly happened was with 2013’s “Midnight Memories.” What a time to be alive.
• This is a *Spongebob voice* C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song.
• Seriously:

• A campfire song, but also I can see a stadium full of distraught 1D fans like myself holding up lighters/cell phones.
• Actually, I think this is a perfect ending track...
• ...to both the album and my emotional stability.

Track 18: Home (BONUS as this was not technically on the album)

• WHY 👏 WAS 👏 THIS 👏 CUT 👏 FROM 👏 THE 👏 ALBUM
• It has the same acoustic, indie vibes as the rest of the album.
• Has a John Mayer tone to it, and they all harmonize beautifully.
• Personally, I believe this would sound wonderful live.
• You know what, let’s stop talking about this song before I get angry.

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One Direction should be proud of themselves. To maintain the stamina to produce five albums in five years while on extensive nearly year-long world tours proves they have the work ethic and talent to be apart of this industry. Many critics think the band is taking too many steps into the past with their style choices on this album, but I feel it’s a step into the future. It’s one small step for fans, but one giant leap for the band.

Maybe they’re too manufactured for the writers at Billboard, or too catered to younger fans, or are lacking Zayn’s vocal range, or maybe everyone believes they’re not coming back after their break, but that’s not to say they haven’t given it a good run. If you’re going to tear them down because their fans are mostly girls, then don’t listen to it. But, if you’re willing to see a dynamic change from bubblegum to rock, and a maturation of a group of still very young men, I urge you to try it out.