At the age of 13, I lost my Grandma, one of the closest people to me. It was an awful loss to me and my family but, as I've gotten older, I've realized what a loss losing my Grandma really is. As I'm approaching an age where I'll be getting married and having kids, I feel like there's a piece of my heart missing. I wish more than anything for my grandma to see the woman I've become. I know she'd be so proud.
There have been so many family events, and life events I wish I could've shared with her. Or at least have seen her reaction to new things happening in my life. I'm at a point in my life where everything is getting exciting, a career, eventually marriage and kids, and when a piece of your family is watching from heaven it's a bittersweet feeling. I always wonder what her advice would've been to me while going through dating in high school, or what her opinion is on my job, my life choices, my style. Sometimes I can hear her voice or imagine something she'd say when things happen in life to me, good or bad.
My heart aches for the fact that she'll never be able to meet my future husband or my kids. I know she's always here in spirit but there's something so much better about being in person. One of the most important people in my life isn't here to watch me turn into the person I'm supposed to be. I feel like the Briget she knew and the Briget I am now are different people, which is true, I am completely different than when I was in eighth grade. My grandma has helped shape me into the woman I am. She's not around to help mentor me, but I take her life lessons she's taught me and try to work with them in my life. Now that I am older and more mature, there are so many things I wish I could do with her, simple things like shopping, talking about boyfriends, have a civilized conversation about today's politics (hahah). So many things. I was lucky to have her for the 13 years that I did. I'm not complaining about my time with her, I just wish I had a little more. I know she's with me at all times, and I'll hold on to that.
I hope I made you proud, grandma.
