Growing Up With A Mentally Ill Parent | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Growing Up With A Mentally Ill Parent

She began falling into a deeper and darker pit of sadness and depression and I felt as though I had lost my mother.

222
Growing Up With A Mentally Ill Parent
zwingliusredivivus

As a kid, I thought my life was great. I was happy and I had no worries, fears or reservations. Until the age of three it was just me, my sister and my mom, until my mom met a man. They dated for six short months and quickly jumped into marriage. I was hesitant, I didn't know this guy, and I wasn't sure if I trusted him with my mom, even at the age of four. As I got older I knew my mom was special, I wasn't aware that it was mental illness kind of special, but I knew she wasn't like the other parents.

By the time I was in the second grade, things progressively got worse with my mom. She was not getting out of bed and she barely spoke. When she did speak it was of her paranoia. She always had a fear that someone was watching us. Things got shaky between her and my step dad but I was too young to understand what all of the fights meant. She began falling into a deeper and darker pit of sadness and depression and I felt as though I had lost my mother.

Third Grade, age 8. My mother was still in a constant state of depression, except every once in a while she would have bursts of energy and be back to the mom I somewhat knew. Until March, when she woke up in the middle of the night, not breathing, having a panic attack. 911 was called and she was admitted into rehab. I found out that she had an addiction to cocaine, I was too young to understand what it was but I knew it was something bad. I spent the next two months at home with my grandmother and our housekeeper. My grandfather lived right near by and would come over everyday to help out with things. I spent Easter going to church and to the country club but this year it was without my mom. We went to visit her and I brought her a new stuffed teddy bear I got and told her my new words I could spell. She was grinning, happy and proud because of my spelling abilities. I stopped smiling and asked her if she was going to be okay, she looked at me with fierceness in her eyes and promised me she will and that she was going to come home soon.

Flash forward to sixth grade, my mother has dropped yet again into her deep dark pit of depression and I don't know how to handle it. I needed my mom to help me out with my transition into middle school but she didn't know how, she slept all day and never ate, she wallowed in self-pity and left me to do things mostly for myself. It was like this all throughout middle school, only it got worse as time went on. After giving birth to my twin brothers her mental state jumped to an all-time high that never came back down. She began to see things that were not there, hear things that were not said and believe things that never happened. My step father and I had different ways of handling this. I understood that she could not help nor control these things, I never called her crazy. I was frustrated, yes, because she couldn't take care of herself let alone me or my infant brothers, but I never did blame her. My step father began to drink more and take more medicine that came from who knows where, and it was a mixture that made him angry and violent, he couldn't take my mothers paranoia and depression anymore but instead of just leaving and walking away he gave her a reason to believe that she was crazy.

I knew she had issues from a young age but I never knew what it was. I knew my mom wasn't like the other moms because she wasn't as involved, I knew she had wrong ways of coping and dealing with her mental state, and I know to this day that she should have never let a man believe she was crazy.

She let her mental state get out of hand, and she did things I know she regrets. From attempting suicide only a year after finding out that my biological father had died from suicide to allowing a man to put his hands on herself and me. However, I do not hold a grudge. I do not call her crazy. Although I do not speak to my biological mother anymore, it is not because I think she is considered "crazy" or that I still hold a grudge, it is simply because I do not have to live with a depressed paranoid mom anymore, and it does make my life easier. I am not having to be a mom to my mom anymore, I can simply be the teenager that I am allowed to be.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

12
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

446247
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

19730
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Moana's Top 10 Life Tips

"Moana" is filled with life lessons that involve far more than finding true love as many other Disney movies do.

43279
Animated image of a woman with long dark hair and tattoos
StableDiffusion

1. It's easy to be fooled by shiny things.

Digital image of shiny gemstones in cased in gold. shiny things StableDiffusion

Tamatoa created a liar filled with shiny things simply for the purpose of tricking fish to enter and become his food. He too experiences a lesson in how easy it is to be tricked by shiny things when Moana distracts him by covering herself in glowing algae so Maui can grab his hook.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments