Since it’s winter break and everyone is at home (or traveling, lucky ducks!!) it seems as though the general feeling is “GOTTA FIND AN INTERNSHIP!!! GOTTA UP THE ANTE ON MY RESUME!!” and internships keep flying from left and right.
Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out if I’m dead serious on what my major is going to be. And now I have to think about internships? Money? The real world??? Nope, no thanks.
When you’re younger, all you wanna do is be older. When you’re 5, you’re playing house and pretending to do things your parents do. You’re 12 and see the older kids driving and wish you could do that too. You’re 16 and wish to be in college. And when you get to where you wished you were? Still wishing for something else.
In march I turn 20. And for some reason, it’s freaking me out. It sounds like such a defining number. Twelve, fourteen, eighteen all sound like great numbers, but twenty? I’m not into it.
Twenty sounds as though I have my life together. Twenty sounds like I know what my next move in life will be. Twenty sounds….old. Sure, it means the next year I turn 21 and get to go out and do all the things my mom warned me about when drinking, but that doesn’t sound fun. I’ll be twenty-one and nine years from then, I’ll be thirty.
Life really moves way too fast. I can’t believe I’m halfway done with college after next semester. Honestly, what have I been doing with my time? There’s still a couple of places on campus I haven’t even set foot in yet.
I don’t want to grow up. And it scares me whenever I meet someone and they say “stay in college as long as you can!!” because, uh. I can’t. That’s a lot of money and I should probably have a full time job at that point. I guess I could say something about society forcing you into college and a job etc., but that’s not the point. The point is that I’m GETTING OLD. Is this what a midlife crisis feels like?
I’ve realized that yes, I think too much about the future but isn’t that what we all do? We all have dreams and certain agendas we want to accomplish, so you try to do that. But…does it have to come with getting older and doing responsible things? Are you sure I can’t call my mom every time something bugs me???
Finding your way through life is a challenge. But having people surround you to make it better makes you better, which is something I’ve learned over the past year. Despite not knowing what I’ll be doing in two months or two years, I’m sure I’ll find my way through growing up somehow.
