As a child, my mother had shoved the "if you're bad you will go to hell" speech down my throat every opportunity she got. She proceeded to send me to a lovely catholic school at which I truly discovered I hate religion.
I am not saying religion is bad. It’s not if you need to have faith in an all-powerful being to get you through the day I will not stop you. You do you. But personally, I have come to discover that all-powerful being isn’t always the kind one people say it is. I know people are saying, "but wait think about all the things it has done for you." To which I say ha good one. Anything it “gave to or has done” for me, wasn't the higher power, it was my hard work, my dreams, my perseverance not some being that determines my course.
I am not straight out saying there is no higher power but a higher power who is concerned with little old Sarah Foster living in Wickliffe, Ohio and controls my life is kind of unbelievable. But as I said, my mother, who I love with all my heart, shoved religion down my throat so imagine me at sixteen or seventeen saying that I don’t believe in her god. In case you can’t let’s just say hell broke loose, literally. She accused me of being a Satanist. Yup my own mother, the lady who raised me looked me dead in the eye and told me I was a Satanist because I didn’t believe in the god she did. Good parenting right?
No that shouldn’t be how a person responds when another person has a different opinion than them but there I was dealing with the hardest time in my life having the one person who I thought was supposed to love me and whatever calling me something to many people is a horrible thing.
“You’ll come around it's just gonna take something horrible for you to believe.” She told me that a month or two ago on a drive home after calling me a Satanist in the craft store. My only question in the world at that moment was why does your god think that putting people through things that are harder than anything in the world okay? Why is it okay for a person to sit there and watch someone slowly die in the most unbearable pain? To get into heaven? If that’s it I don’t know if I will ever want to be there. To have the ruler of it be heartless enough to put its creatures, things it made, through torture like that is not what I want to be dealing with.
That is in no way what she wants to hear but I’m not going to waste my life making sure some higher being is pleased with me.
