I don’t believe that very many people think about “The End”, but sometimes I find myself wondering what the world will be like without me. I often think of what will happen to me, will I be in my prime when an accident happens to take place and I happen to be tragically ripped from this earth, or will I be an old woman sitting beside my fire place, looking up at the photos of my children and their children wondering how life escaped me. Awful selfish of me to be worried more about dead me than about who I am leaving behind.
When I am no longer in this vessel, will I be surrounded by darkness without any sign of light to be had? Or is Death the kind of place beyond our wildest dreams? Will our wildest dreams become our dead reality?
Will I be forever in the Highlands of Scotland? Or perhaps I will be placed in an enormous library filled with a never-ending supply of romance novels.
Will Grandma Blue be there, or what about Uncle Fred?
Will my pets be there? Conrad, Buro, Lucas? Or maybe Death is a lot like everyone living in apartments and your rooms are made to suit each of your fantasies. I don’t fear Death… I fear not knowing what will happen to me when I am no longer here.
Even at a young age, I thought of what death meant for me. Where I would go, who I would see, and how I would feel. It was never about escaping realities or taking the easy way out, it was about a pure and intrigued kid wondering what death would be like. What terrified me more than anything was that I didn’t have anything to believe in. I was born a Catholic; I was told to never use the Lord’s name in vein, that Jesus was the son of God and that his Mother Mary was a virgin. As a kid I had a lot of questions and I got a lot of, “because the Bible says so”. My questions never received answers and at nine years old I stopped going to Church and Catechism.
It wasn’t until I turned sixteen that I decided to search for that part of me that was missing. I returned to Church but soon after I stopped going because I had realized that the Catholic religion didn’t fit with my beliefs. I was determined to find a religion that fit with my beliefs. So, I started researching different religions: I tried Buddhism, Islam, Christianity, Paganism, etc. I respected every religion but still I didn’t quite feel “home”.
I knew who I was, who I wanted to be, but I still couldn’t find a faith that represented me. I have never told my family about my change in religion, it’s a tough conversation for everyone because everyone believes something different. Some believe in Jesus, some don’t, some believe in one God, some believe in more than one God, some believe God is a woman, some a man, and all of their Gods have different names and neither religion is wrong because religion is a belief. It gives us something to look up too, and to pray too when the world seems over generous or when it seems as though we cannot bare the weight of this life. It creates your Heaven and my Valhalla.
At twenty-one years old I finally found a religion that suited me, Druidism. I believe in more than one God; I believe that the Earth is sacred and everyone and everything on this Earth is sacred as well. I believe in harmony and respect. I believe that all Religions are important and that every individual has a right to believe in what they believe to be true. I believe that I have this one life, this one vessel and I have to make the most out of what I have been given.
Being a Druid has changed the way that I view Death, whether it be tomorrow, a week, a month, or even years from now I know that a place between the Sun and the Earth exists for me; a place that I am free to create for myself. A place where the boundaries of this world do not exist. A place where my Catholic Great Grandmother can laugh and spend an eternity with me. I pray that the Gods be kind to me and that when I reach Valhalla everyone I have ever loved will be there waiting for me.
-The Druid
