From as far back as I can remember, I was in the church. Growing up in a Methodist church I learned many life lessons, good and bad. I learned how to love others around me, with my whole heart, walk in my faith and promote a good and honest life. With the bad I saw how broken our world can be, how much hurt people can experience, and how people can show one side in church, and another outside the church. I have no regrets growing up when and where I did—I’m extremely grateful. I’m also beyond blessed to have parents that understood I had my own unique beliefs, and they support me whether they agree or not. So here is my faith story, raw and all.
When I was a baby, my mom would take me to the church nursery while she and my father went to church. I don’t remember any of this, obviously, but I know to this day that the women who took care of me still knows me by name—they still care for me in their own way. When I was older, I went to Pre-K at the church. I met some of my lifelong friends there, and from looking at pictures, I can tell that I had a blast. My teachers still love me, and to this day I love and adore Mrs. Hamilton.
The church gave me these memories, these people—such special people. After Pre-K I went to the regular Sunday schools. I remember the vanilla cookies they would give us, the songs we would sing and again, the people I spent time with. Once I hit my teenage years, I went to youth group; This was a great time. During youth group I met some of the most amazing and influential people to date. My youth group would volunteer at VBS, go on mission trips and enjoy Sunday nights together. Those were some of the best days of my life.
Once I graduated high school I went to a few college meetings at a local coffee shop. We had great, real talks about our faith and the world we live in. The thing was, throughout all these years in my life, I can’t remember one time that I really felt a connection with God. I went to church, I prayed, I lived Christ-like to the best of my ability, but I was just going through the motions. I was the mass of people that called themselves a Christian, but didn’t really live the life. I really tired, I wanted to feel Christ every day, I prayed… and prayed… and prayed some more. No matter what I did, I found a way to get down on myself, I found a way to prove that God wasn’t there, he just didn’t want to listen to me—my life was good enough, he didn’t even need to try with me. But that all changed, my faith turned around the second I found my partner.
I had known Jacob all of my life. Our parents were friends, we grew up in the church together, we crossed paths all the time, but we never saw each other. He is a very faith based person. When we got far enough into our relationship, we opened up about our beliefs in religion. I knew he had strong views, and at the time I was over trying anymore. I felt like no matter what I did, God did not want to get to know me. After Jacob opened up about how he felt, something clicked. I saw that he was a God-fearing man—he wasn’t afraid of sharing who he was and what he believed. He showed me that there was more than just the apparent feelings; There was a deep inner understanding that God was always there—that’s your faith.
Faith is hard for me—I’m a scientific-minded person who needs evidence. He taught me it isn’t always that way and that's what faith is all about. I knew this already, but how he explained it and lived through it gave a whole new understanding. He is a true shepherd. He lives the life he knows is right, and I was learning from him. We grow together each and every day, and we also grow with God. I can’t understand how he made me see it, but God is everywhere, he is everything, he is all there is. We are here by his grace, we are here for him, for each other.
So there it is, honest and simple. My faith is a very bumpy path and continues every day to have its twist and turns. But that is what faith is about: it's learning everyday that there is something bigger than you, bigger than all of us. So what’s your story? Are you being honest with yourself?
