Ever since I was young I’ve been going to 7:30 mass every Sunday and attending youth group at my local parish. I’ve lived and breathed Catholicism for 18 years now. I know this is also the case for many others my age. I attended Catholic pre-school, Catholic elementary and middle school, and Catholic high school. I’ve shook my bishop’s hand on several occasions and I’ve probably spent more time in adoration than watching Netflix. Being Catholic isn’t easy and although it was something that I was unwillingly guided towards, I do not regret a minute of it.

Throughout elementary school I learned about all kinds of bible stories, and the most important thing I learned was that Jesus loved me and would forgive me for my sins. Yeah.... great. Catholicism at the time seemed pretty cookie cutter— do good in the world and listen to the rules and you’ll be fine. Little did I know that it was a lot more than that. Catholicism was so much more complex than the watered down version of theology I receive in elementary school. I was being told what and what not to do but I wasn’t being told the reasons why.

It’s easy to believe something if someone provides evidence for it. Your mother may have suggested when you were younger(... or maybe even now) that you take a nap because you’re tired and irritable. She wouldn’t tell you to do something without explaining why. I feel like this is what Catholicism was like for me in elementary school. We were told not to sin or do anything before marriage and I wasn’t even told why it was so important. When I got to high school, I experienced a culture shock like no other. Yes, I still went to a Catholic high school, but not everyone was Catholic anymore. People had opposing views and our overly-confident attitudes encouraged us to speak our minds. We all wanted to do whatever we pleased. People didn’t want rules or guidelines, especially without reasons behind them. Plus, we questioned everything.

I’m sure many people have been in my boat. There are several kids in my classes that were born, raised, and grew up Catholic. No questions asked. And to all of you holy people out there: congrats! Not because Catholicism is bad or because you probably at one time or another in your life almost slept through adoration, but because it's not easy growing up Catholic. I sat through several theology classes wondering why I would need to know that Jesus walked on water. Although these lessons aren't meaningless, I always wanted to delve deeper into the theology. Learning about Jesus walking on water was cool, but I needed answers to the questions I had held back for so long. As I got to my senior year, I questioned everything. Why do we kneel so much? Why every Sunday? Are we really consuming the flesh of Christ? I assumed everything was true for so long and there came a point when I started digging into my faith. This was the point when my faith was no longer the choice of my family and it was now my own choice to seek the truth.

So yes, growing up Catholic isn't easy. You'll probably at one point or another question your faith completely. You'll believe you've been fed lies. You'll want to know more but be afraid to ask. And that's okay. We all grow in our faith at different times in our life. And please, ask questions! The best advice I could ever give someone who grew up Catholic and is sick of being told to do things without proper reasons: ask why! I guarantee you, there's a good and logical answer to all the reasons we're told to follow the rules. Catholicism isn't just a set of rules without reasoning behind them. That's where people go wrong. And without growing up fully immersed in Catholicism, I don't think I would have ever figured that out.