Loss of a loved one. It’s one of the hardest things we as humans face. We feel lost and sad and angry and confused, left behind to cope, and all too often we let bitterness become us. Grief takes its toll and plagues our minds to the point that we only focus on the absence of our loved ones.
This is how I felt for a while. After losing my little sister earlier this year, I spent a lot of time being angry. I was angry with God and I questioned why. Why me? Why my family? And why my little sister? I didn’t understand and all I could think about was her absence. However, as time passed, I began to realize that little things constantly reminded me of her. I smiled as I thought about her on the way to school when our favorite songs would come on, or when I went hiking on the trail that we would normally hike together, or every time I saw a softball field. We made so many memories during her time here, full of love and laughter, that I will always, always, cherish. Recalling all the wonderful memories we made together, my mindset and my heart began to change. I began to realize that I could either let bitterness consume me or that I could be grateful for the times she graced my life. Deciding to stop only focusing on her absence made me appreciate the time that I was given with her and I stopped being angry with God. Instead, I began to appreciate His grace and the time that He did allow me to spend with her. He graced my life with her presence, giving me some of the best memories and teaching some of me the strongest lessons I've ever learned, and His grace is also how I'm carrying on. I know that everything happens for a reason and that, although I may not understand it now, He has a plan.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." -2 Corinthians 12:9
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her or miss her. Every single day I wish she was here with me. I miss our movie nights, our late night food runs, and all of our holiday traditions. But, every single day I recall memories I have of her and I smile because I would rather have wonderful memories with her and miss her endlessly than to never have had her in my life at all. Losing my sister taught me many things about loss and pain, but it taught me even more about the importance of grace and gratitude. I learned to let the grace of her presence outweigh the grief I feel now that she is gone, and I learned to appreciate the good times without dwelling on the bad. I've accepted that sometimes, all we can do is make the best out of difficult situations and love the good things while we have them, no matter how briefly, and despite the darkness and grief this life sometimes brings us to, God's grace will always bring us through.
