Grief And How It Controls Your Life
Entertainment

Grief And How It Controls Your Life

The stages of grief are real, and they will suck you in and tumble you around forever.

1096
Grief And How It Controls Your Life
Jessica Price

There are several things I have learned this summer, but the biggest thing I've learned is that the stages of grief are real and true and they hurt. However, the 5 stages of grief come and go, not everyone travels through the stages at the same time and there is not a certain order to the stages. Even though I have them listed below, there is no set way you grieve. And it is possible to go back and forth between stages. That's what makes grief so hard; it sucks you in and it tumbles you to the bottom and pushes you right back up just to pull you back down again.

1. Denial and isolation

Giphy

"This isn't happening, this can't be happening."

Everyone goes through denial even if it's just for a second. It is the bodies way of protecting itself from the onset of very strong emotions. When my dad died, I went through denial. It took me awhile to realize I had gone through this stage. I grew up in the hospital with a sick father and a kick-ass nurse for a mom, so medical terminology is a normal thing in my home. So when I sat in the ICU and listened to the doctor use words like "fixed pupils" and "off-sedation and still unresponsive," I knew what all that meant. But yet, I needed to hear him say it. Even though I was crying long before he said the dreaded words, actually hearing it made it seem so more real. So, at first I didn't think it was happening because I understood the medical side of it all. It wasn't until I was sitting down with my mom saying things like "I can't believe this happened," or "I can't believe he's gone," did I realize that I was in denial. I knew what was happening, I just didn't want to accept it.

Last week, one of my friends from high school died, and I found myself saying the same things I said when my dad died.

2. Anger

Giphy

Anger, anger, and so much anger. This is what I felt for a very long time after my fathers death, and even after my friend from school died. But more so when my dad died.

Anger is normally what sets in when denial wears off, however like I said before, not everyone goes straight to anger, that is just the most common sequence of events. The anger happens because we are trying to deflect from the emotions we are feeling inside. Anger can be aimed at strangers, friends, family, inanimate objects, our deceased loved ones and even at the doctors.

I was angry for what felt like a long time. I blamed my dad for leaving me and my sisters, I blamed the chaplain at the hospital for paying more attention to my grandma than to me and my sisters. I was angry at the hospital. The beloved hospital and neuro-department who I grew up around. I was so mad at them and sometimes I still am. I blame them for letting me down, when they never had before, I blamed them for not being able to help my dad when they took an oath to do all they can. I blamed everyone for a long time, and now I blame God.

I have come to accept the death of my father, and my anger is not as much as it used to be. However, I am still mad at my faith and God. Especially since I've lost my uncle, my dad, my friend from school, and my second cousin in just eight months. To say I cry a lot is an understatement.

3. Bargaining

Giphy

"If only I would have paid better attention."

"If only the past few months wouldn't have happened and things were different."

"If only we would have answered the phone."

"If only I would have texted back."

The "what-if " statements go on and on and on. And this is the bargaining stage. It's normal to feel helplessness and vulnerability and it normally leads to wanting to gain control of your life again. That is where the "what-if" and "if-only" statements come from. Guilt normally comes with bargaining, at least in my case it did. But honestly, I had guilt for a long time. We start to think there was something we could have done differently to have helped, or something we could have prevented. And that feeling nags and nags and nags at you until you feel less then whole, and you already don't feel whole because someone you love is gone.

4. Depression

Giphy

A lot of people believe there are two types of depression associated with mourning. I believe that the depression is all the same and both forms feed into each other and cause one big mess. You had to deal with the sudden onset of the loss, which sends this overwhelming wave of horribleness over you. And then you have to deal with farewell of your loved one, and the cost of burials, and do we spend enough time with everyone else we love. This stage is so complex and so intricate and just all around sucks.

A lot of times, a hug helps, and when my dad died we hugged each other a lot, but when you are holding onto regret, anxiety, anger, guilt, and so many other things, it becomes hard to breathe. It becomes hard to find the way to the top and that ocean that we talked about earlier becomes huge. And if you are me, then to make all of it stop you sleep, you cry, and you hide yourself away. I didn't go back to work for a month because I was a mess. My doctor had to give me some medication and I am just now, three months later, starting to get into a bit more of a routine. And I am no where near who I used to be. This was the stage that took me over.

5. Acceptance

Giphy

Reaching this stage of grieving is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression. Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience— nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you're going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.

I have accepted the fact my father, uncle, cousin, and best friend are gone. And sometimes I still fall back into the other stages, if only for a moment. I like to think I have reached the acceptance side. I am just starting to go out and do things, but I like to keep to myself now. Where as before I wanted to be alone, but as soon as I was alone I wanted company and to know my family was still there. So it gives me comfort to know I am starting to enter my last stage of grief. And even if I hit a bump where I see another stage, at least I know I am not the only one suffering.


I apologize every time I start crying, and my mom says, "don't ever apologize for crying. If you are crying, that means those tears are important, and what you are feeling needs to be felt. And you may never be able to talk about it without crying, and that is okay." I like to think all of this will be over one day. But I know differently. I know my dad isn't coming back from the dead, and my uncle and friend won't be calling me anymore either. And the fact my cousin is gone too doesn't help either. But if I have learned anything this summer, it's the stages of grief are not as cliche as they sound. They are real, they happen, and they suck, but the way you feel is common, and natural and should never be looked down on.

Eternal peace.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Being a pharmacy technician never held as many risks as it does now. Exposure too hazardous conditions were little to none, and garbing up was only conducted in IV compounding. But, now, in order to give nurses the medications they need to help their patients, they need us, pharmacy technicians.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Epic Activewear Deals Every Leggings-Lover Needs To Know About From Nordstrom's Biggest Sale

Wearing my pleather Alo leggings till someone physically removes them from my body.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not an athletic person, at all. Since junior high school, I've been happily cheering my friends on at their football games and soccer matches from the sidelines as long as I could go home to my yoga mat and spend Sunday mornings at Pilates with my mom's friends.

Weekends are often spent in my casual wear, from the second I throw them on for morning meditation through running errands and evening walks. No, I won't be running a marathon or joining my friend's volleyball league anytime soon.

Keep Reading... Show less
Disney

I've always been a huge Disney villain fan — whether it was for their cryptic one-liners, enviable outfits, or sidekick banter. Some of the most iconic lines from cinematic history have been said by the characters we love to hate and occasionally dress up as once a year.

The fear-mongering Gaston I now find hilariously cringe-worthy is now charming and oftentimes considered by fans as rightfully justified in his actions. Die-hard fans of the Disney villain fan club claim alternate egos in their favorite evil characters, adopting their hilarious witticisms into everyday life.

Keep Reading... Show less

TikTok was banned by the president, but Instagram is here with its newest feature called Reel. Many of us are still wondering why TikTok was being banned in the first place. Was it all the dangerous TikTok trends? It was because of a security concern, but not in the way you might think.

TikTok is owned by Dancebyte, which is a China-owned company. Basically, just like any other app, TikTok collects the user's data. The main question to ask yourself when investing in any app or marketing tools who will be owning my data? So yes, China currently owns all the TikTok user's data worldwide.

Keep Reading... Show less

Anyone who goes to Panera Bread will tell you that their mac and cheese is to die for. If you're a huge fan of their mac and cheese, you won't believe the new recipe they're coming out with!

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Reasons To Put The Damn Mask On, And Stop Fussing With It

COVID-19 is real people, do your part to protect yourself and others.

Ilana Stein

With the ever-changing reality of our world due to COVID-19, there has been one constant throughout these past unforeseen months, masks. Ever since coronavirus hit the ground running in the US, the CDC has been recommending social distancing and mask-wearing to stop the rapid spread.

Many people have been great about adhering to these policies, mandates, and suggested uses, but others, not so much.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

I Asked My Boyfriend His Opinion On Liking Other Girls’ Pictures, And, Spoiler Alert, It's Cheating

"When you get into a relationship and you're in love, you have to realize that liking photos is for the single lifestyle."

Ladies, listen up. If you are in a relationship with a guy and he is liking other girls' pictures on social media, then it's a red flag. A man who can look at someone else and show interest by liking it means he doesn't care about your feelings AT ALL.

Keep Reading... Show less

I've been an athlete my entire life. I love movement and I've been jumping, kicking, swimming, dancing, throwing, you name it since I was in diapers. I'm also pretty competitive and probably went through a few sore loser phases. What can I say? I like to win, and losing can sometimes feel like I've failed. Especially, when your competitor is your best friend or someone that you worked all year long to defeat.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

11 Reasons Why Getting A Cat Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Cats may mess up your puzzles but they'll always love you unconditionally — as long as you have some catnip, that is.

Scout Guarino

Alright, everyone, it's time to stop spreading the rumor that all cats are mean, aloof, and hate everyone. Like dogs, each cat has its own personality and tendencies. Some like a lot of attention, some like less — each person has to find the right cat for them. As for me, my cats Bienfu and Reptar have seen me at my worst, but they've also helped pull me out of it. They're a constant in my life and they give me the strength to get through the day in spite of my depression, and there's even scientific evidence to support it!

Keep Reading... Show less

Picture this, we're settling into our date, the conversation is flowing, we're ordering drinks, laughing, and then it happens... the job convo.

Him: "So what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a dating and relationships editor."

Keep Reading... Show less

- I have extremely sensitive skin, which is why I have always resorted to a plant-based organic beauty line such as Radha Beauty.

- Radha Beauty won me over years ago when I was looking for organic skincare brands.

- I was so excited to see they launched a new line incorporating USDA organic rosehip oil, so when their PR team sent me some, I could not have been more thrilled.

- After a week of using the products, my face felt as smooth as a baby's, looked more glowy than ever, and even cured some of my summer sunburn.

Radha Beauty isn't just a best-selling beauty brand on Amazon — it's a USDA-certified organic beauty brand I live by, and anyone who knows me knows I am all about holistic wellness.

Typically, it only takes three days for me to tell if a skin product is working or not because I have extremely sensitive skin. It's also why I have always stuck by plant-based organic beauty lines such as Radha Beauty.

Keep Reading... Show less

I have definitely had my fair share of breakups. I broke up with my high school sweetheart my second semester of college (he was cheating on me), I had a breakup with another guy I thought I was going to marry, and others in between. Regardless of whether you're the one doing the dumping or being dumped, breakups can HURT.

Keep Reading... Show less

Social media is something many of us have been addicted to (whether we want to believe it or not) since the moment we got it. I remember getting Facebook at 10. Instantly I was hooked. I loved being able to share my life with people, a little too much in my opinion, and I loved being able to see how/what other people were doing all the time.

Keep Reading... Show less

I am not in any way any sort of medical expert. These are just some tricks that work for me and have worked for others who also suffer from anxiety. These may not work for everyone, but I do hope these help some people in their fight against anxiety.

Keep Reading... Show less

-Having struggled with acne prone skin for years, I was cautious to try a new serum on top of the other products I've come to trust.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments