Another week and another episode of "The Bachelor."

This week the episode has shifted from Las Vegas to Mexico, leaving everyone wondering Is this "The Bachelor" or "Springbreakers"...? Well, whatever our thoughts are on the destination, we can be sure that it's "the perfect place to find love".

Amanda's one-on-one

Despite Olivia's assurance that her own name would be on the date card, it was Amanda who received the first one-on-one of the episode. Olivia is not happy.

But she quickly masked her disappointment with excitement for Amanda.

Yes, nothing says sincere excitement quite like that face.

Anyway, Amanda's date begins with the classic "Bachelor" 4 a.m. wake-up call. (Honestly, is that a mandatory event for every season?) Ben walks in to find most of the girls sporting less weaves and more orthodontics, but lucky for him Amanda wakes up like a perfect, perky, fairy nymph ready for an "amazing" day with Ben. Hooray.

In the car, Ben and Amanda take the long drive to talk about how amazing it is that they're here in Mexico and giggling at almost everything. Ahh modern day romance.

The date however, is actually pretty sweet. I mean, a hot air balloon over Mexico?! That's freaking cool. I mean, if you can get past the camera man standing two feet away from you and watching you make out. My favorite thing about the bachelor, though, is that the girls always say how the most specific things about the date are exactly what they've always dreamed of.

"A hot air balloon over the ancient Mexico City ruins at 8:07 in the morning with Chuck the camera man?! I mean that's every girls dream!!!" ....riiiiight.

After the hot air balloon ride, the two sit in what look like very itchy weeds and have a round-about conversation about the same thing for 5 minutes.

Amanda: “I’m trying to take this time for myself, but it's hard.”
Ben: "Do you find it hard to focus on yourself?”

.....c'mon Ben. Really?

The two go to dinner, Amanda reminds us that guys sometimes suck, Ben gives her a rose, and they proceed to make out in a fountain.

Meanwhile...

Back at the mansion, Lauren H. does some serious detective work and concludes that because her name is the only one not on the group date card, she will have a one-on-one this week. This is serious sleuthing people.

Group Date

The girls arrive in a Mexican classroom and are greeted by a teacher with many squashes on his desk.

WHY SO MANY?????

The teacher gives them a quick Spanish lesson, mostly consisting of the girls repeating what sound like animal mating noises rather than actual words, and then they're on their way to do some cooking.

They're told to split into pairs and when Olivia (shockingly) decides to pair up with Ben, Jubilee looks like she's ready to throw a punch.

That passive aggressive smile though....

The cooking contest itself was pretty dull. Ben delivers one of the worst puns I've ever heard ("I'm no longer the bachelor, I'm the spachelor") and the music is far too intense for simple taste testing of food, but other than that, uneventful.

During the group date cocktail party, Jubilee laments about watching Ben with other women. C'mon gal! What'd you think this show was?!

Ben however, does not notice Jubilee's sulking, and he instead takes Lauren B. out to see the town. Once they're away from the other women, the two thank one another from being here approximately 28350932890 different times, and make out on a bunch of street corners.

When Ben finally returns, he asks Jubilee for some one-on-one time, and for a hand hold. Jubilee then commits what is evidently the greatest bachelor sin of all, and rejects the hand hold. Much dramatic music ensues. The two do have one-on-one time though, in which Jubilee sits like a frog and talks about not feeling noticed. Ben decides to send her packing. #byefelicia.

Seriously though, of all positions to sit in? Is that comfortable? I can't imagine it is...

The night concludes with Olivia receiving the rose, and a dramatic shot of her eating a fruit kebab.

At Home

What appears to be the next day, while Lauren H. is on her one-on-one, Emily and Jennifer complain about Olivia being a two-faced bitch. Olivia doesn't really give a shit what anyone thinks, and takes a nap on two beds.

Lauren H.'s one-on-one

Lauren H. was super pumped about this date.

Clearly.

To be honest, not too much happened. The two walked in a fashion show while sporting some wild tie dye outfits and Lauren spent most of the date with her mouth hanging open.

This was apparently a very shocking afternoon for Lauren H. After walking in the fashion show, the two take tequila shots out of plastic cups and then head to dinner. On the way, Ben delivers the most uncomfortable line of the episode saying:

"It's been a slow burn with Lauren H.”

Yeah... well... if that doesn't scream romance (or, like, athlete's foot) I don't know what does.

Rose Ceremony

The basic gist of the rose ceremony is this:

Jojo can't do high fives.
Lauren B. can see "like, a life-life" with Ben (whatever that means).
Olivia thinks Amanda is a teen mom.
Sweet little Amanda wants to take Olivia down.
Emily is sick of Olivia's bullshit.
And Ben channels his inner Nancy Drew to try and solve the Olivia mystery.

Will Ben find out Olivia is actually crazy? Will Amanda fight Olivia? Will Jojo ever learn to do a proper high five? Stay tuned y'all. It's about to get crazy.