Ruth Simmons Quad: a peaceful haven right off Thayer street, where you can find students lounging on the grass, in hammocks, and on benches, enjoying the warm weather while it lasts. And then, off to the right side, there sits the baby blue spawn of Satan sent above to Brown University to terrify, amaze, and divide. What follows is a list of reactions we have all had to this [expensive] piece of art that has graced our campus this year.
1. "What the heck is this thing? Where did it come from?"
See that woman on the left looking up at the sculpture? We have caught her in the midst of this very thought: the confusion that envelopes one upon the sight of a twenty-three-foot teddy bear sitting in the midst of classy looking red brick buildings on an Ivy League campus. It seems out of place--assuming, of course, a creation of this sort has a place to begin with.
2. "Okay, but why is it here though?"
Observe this family passing as the beast is built. Innocently walking around campus, they try to figure out a purpose for this bear. The young lady in the back has one hand on her cranium and she racks her brains for answers. The young man is in the middle of a postulation. The mother has given up, and the father stares up at the statue as if this action will bring about revelation. This is a continuation of that initial confusion, except for us Brown students, it is a recurring thought that plagues us whenever we pass the statue or are awake past two a.m. trying to get caught up on work.
3. "IT COST HOW MUCH?"
"Now, this statue could have paid my full tuition plus living fees, textbooks, and a brand new Maserati." Understand, the bear was not paid for by Brown University, but was rather loaned to the University by Steven Cohen, who got it for an undisclosed amount of money. However, estimates (and sales prices of the other two bears of the same type) range anywhere from five million to twenty million dollars. Moving on . . .
4. "You . . . like the bear?"
Had to opt for a gif of the Harry Potter variety for this point, mostly because I failed to find any pictures of the Lamp/Bear wherein the sentiment of liking the bear is shown. I would say such a sentiment doesn't exist if I hadn't come across some people on Facebook (note: could be robots of Brown University infiltrating in Brown student discussions, stay woke) who called the sculpture adorable. The above gif is an accurate portrayal of my response.
And finally
5. "OH MY GOD, THE LIGHT TURNS ON!"
No. No, this is not okay. This is literally "Revenge of Toy Story," and the lamp stuck up the bottom of our friend the giant teddy bear is representative of the Pixar lamp. Anyone who thinks this is a "cool feature" rather than "extra creepy" should just reevaluate the way they live their lives--or have a licensed psychiatrist do it for them.
