People always tell you to enjoy the present. They always tell you that life is fleeting, so enjoy every moment or whatever cliché they decide is their favorite. And they are completely right. I need to enjoy the present.
And it is so hard for me.
I have always been way too ahead of my life for my own good. I’ve always been ready for the next chapter. When I was in elementary, I wanted to be in junior high; when I made it there, I wanted to be in high school; when I got there, I wanted to be in Running Start; then I wanted to just graduate, then I wanted to be in a university, and now, I want to move to Germany.
I can’t seem to enjoy where I’m at. I always want to move on, thinking the grass will be greener if I can just get there. But there is no there. There is no greener grass. And I know that.
So why can’t I enjoy the present?
Ever since I’ve returned from home, it’s been odd readjusting to school life and work again. Everything here has stayed the same, and yet I feel as though I’ve changed completely. How do I connect the two?
I’ve been trying hard recently to be more presen. I’ve been making plans and hanging out with friends who it feels like I haven’t seen in months. I wish I cold turn off that part of me that yearns for the next chapter, because I love where I am. I truly do.
I know I’m probably not the only one who feels this way. I know I’m not the only one who grew up too fast and who wants the next “best” chapter in their lives. I know that this isn’t abnormal.
I want to enjoy the present, and I’m working towards it. Because it’s not fair to me or others if I just constantly want this part to be over. Because I love where I am now; I just have to learn to enjoy it more fully.