It’s that time of year again in the Atlanta area: Pride Weekend. The weekend where people belonging to the LGBTQ+ community can celebrate who they are. It’s full of festivals, demonstrations and all sorts of fun activities accumulated in a parade on Sunday. This year, Sunday is special. The Sunday of Pride Weekend falls on National Coming Out Day, the day set aside to celebrate those who have become public about identifying as something other than cisgender and heterosexual.
To a lot of LGBTQ+ people, this is a weekend of recognition in a world that often puts down their existence. For me, in particular, this weekend is a reminder that I should not be ashamed of who I am. After coming out my sophomore year of high school as gay, I have grown so much as a human being. Coming out was not easy, though. I struggled growing up with something deep-down, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. When I got into high school and began feeling different feelings, I began to try and shut them out. My whole freshman year, I denied it to myself that I was attracted to men instead of women like the majority of my peers. I felt alone, like I didn’t really belong to this world, or like something was wrong with me. It took so much self-convincing and talking to other people, who felt the same way, to come to terms with who I am.
Everyone’s coming out story is different. I publicly came out through an Instagram post, holding a sign that said “I’m gay.” Ever since making that decision and telling people, I couldn’t be happier with who I have become. There are many things I’ve learned since that point, but there are some that have definitely shaped who I am as a person since I decided to come out.
The people who really care about you are going to stay with you.
One of my biggest fears when I first began to come out to people was that people whom I cared about would become disgusted in me and no longer be a part of my life. This is a common fear in young LGBTQ+ youth, especially with parents. The fear is often perpetuated by the amount of youth who come out, only to be disowned or kicked out by their parents. According to Lost-n-Found, a LGBTQ+ focused homeless shelter in Atlanta, about 40 percent of the youth they work with identify as belonging in the community. Luckily, when I came out, this was not the reaction I was met with. My family and my friends had nothing but support and love in their hearts.
What this taught me is that when it comes down to it, the people who are meant to be in your life and really, truly care about you are not going to care about something so simple as you loving differently. Not only has this helped me come out, and be who I am in terms of my sexuality, but also in every aspect of life. In this world, when we are constantly pressured to keep up with social norms, often we lose sense of who we are. But if we surround ourselves with people who support us, love us and want to see us grow, we can stay true to who we are.
The anxiety of what’s outside the closet can be overcome.
What people seem to forget is that for me, coming out is a constant thing. There never is a time when I’m fully out to everyone–people can assume I’m straight or gay or bi–whatever, but they never know unless I, or another person tell them. So each time I come across a person that doesn’t know, there is the anxiety of whether they will react well or not. Each time I come out, there is the possibility of me being verbally attacked, or even worse, physically harmed. However, my support group I mentioned before acts as a stronghold to minimize this anxiety. When I’m with my friends who I know support and love me, I feel safe, making it easier to come out to people and knowing that if something goes wrong, those people will be there for me.
Opening the closet door opens a world of abundance.
When I came out, my self-confidence began to climb uphill. Because I wasn’t suppressing who I was, I found a new freedom in the world. It’s really amazing what new self-confidence can do for you, especially in high school. I began to make new friends, become more involved and took amazing opportunities. All of this can be traced back to the fact that I was open with who I was. Because I didn’t care what people thought of my sexuality, I was allowed a freedom that I wouldn’t have had before. Instead of worrying about petty things, I could dedicate my time to all sorts of activities in school. People noticed this self-confidence too, and I suddenly found myself surrounded with more and more friends who loved me for who I am. These friends have helped me become a better person, introducing me to different aspects of the world that have shaped me into the man I am today.
“Gay lifestyle” is about as ridiculous as the idea that it’s a choice to be gay.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard “but you don’t SEEM gay.” We have to stop this idea that there is a specific culture that applies to all gay people. The LGBTQ+ community is extremely diverse, and anyone trying to say that just because someone is interested in a particular clothing style, music taste or hobby automatically gay is narrow-minded and really limits the community as a whole. It also makes it extremely hard for those coming out. When I first came out, I was so worried about fitting into with other gay guys in my area. I didn’t know how a gay guy acted, what they liked and so on.
This stressed me out, but what I found as I met more and more people in the LGBTQ+ community is that trying to fit people into a box like that is just as ridiculous as trying to say girls can’t play sports or boys can’t be involved in the arts. Both of those statements are outdated in our society, but still leave traces in our mind. Yes, there are subcultures of the community, but that’s what they are: subcultures. Each person can find their niche in a community, and you can’t define an abundance of people in one way except this–they all love in their own specific way. So if you don’t feel “gay enough,” then don’t sweat it. You’re fine, and you’ll find where you belong.
I’ve had a particularly good experience coming out, but unfortunately that’s not the case with everyone. Like mentioned before, there is a large portion of our homeless youth that identifies as something other than cisgender and straight. Kids commit suicide and become depressed all the time, because they are bullied over things like their sexuality. It’s a tough world. The most important thing that I’ve learned by coming out is that the most influential thing we can do in this life is love people for who they are and try to grow with the diversity among us.Everyone just wants to feel accepted, to be a part of a community. Even those who fight against things like same-sex marriage and transgender rights. Even those who say anyone gay is going to hell. We’re all humans, despite differing beliefs, and the best thing we can do is try and help each other survive this twisted but beautiful world.
