In a moment of disparity this week, I found myself locked in my room at 4am completely unable to sleep. In that moment, I did the only thing I really know how to do, and I pulled out my Bible.

For some reason, I was drawn to Philippians. It’s always been one of my favorite books, but in this moment I felt as though I could not rest until I read it. I felt weak, and desperate, and I didn’t know what else to do.

Upon reading, I found that this letter had a much different tone then many of Paul’s other letters. He wasn’t reprimanding the Philippians, he was happy with them. In his darkest time, locked away in a jail cell, Paul was happy to be able to write to the church in Philippi. This struck me, in a way it hadn’t before. This is an issue I have always struggled with. Finding joy in whatever situation, and rejoicing against all odds is something that, in that exact moment, I couldn’t even comprehend doing based on the situation I was in.

Towards the end comes a popular verse (and personally, it’s one of my favorites), Philippians 4:13. The verse states, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” In that moment as I sit alone in my bed, at 4am, staring at this one verse, I suddenly thought of my grandmother.

For those who knew Avis Abrams, she was quite the firecracker. Her brutally honest nature was one that could make you laugh until you peed yourself, or it made you cry because the outpouring of love was too strong to handle. Rarely did Grammy ever put up with any crap. She was quick to call people out, and she made her opinions known (I like to think that my knack for being stubborn and having no filter comes from her). My Grammy was strong, and her strength didn’t come from anything she could learn on this earth, it came from God.

I’m reminded of my Grammy when I read Philippians 4:13 because her faith carried her through everything. There’s a significance to this verse that I tended to just pass over. Paul doesn’t just say that he can do everything. He’s not just looking at the situation he’s in with a good attitude to get through the day. Paul is saying he can do everything through Christ, because that’s what gives him strength. Strength comes from Christ. To me, everything on earth will disappoint us. Everything on earth will hurt us. Everything on this earth is imperfect. But the one thing, that has helped me deal with all the pain and imperfection, and give me the strength to carry on, is Christ.

This was the greatest gift I could have ever received from my grandmother. Her strength was enough to gain my admiration, but knowing that the source of her strength came from God, is reason to admire her even more. I’m so thankful, now more than ever, that I could grow up with an influence like that in my life. Because of her influence, I can have a faith that moves mountains. Because of her, I could see what true strength looks like. A true strength that can get me through anything.