There's that one kid that everyone knows that is super smart, knows every answer to the teacher's question, and might sometimes even be seen as the teacher's pet. What you never typically see is that person out and about, just relaxing, and hanging out with friends. I know this happens because I've seen it in other people, and at one point I was like exactly this.
There was a point in my life that all I cared about was my grades. I was still active in other things such as school groups and sports teams, but on top of all that the most important thing was school. I rarely hung out with my friends or just relaxed. I was always on the go, worried about when I would finish my next paper, turn in the next assignment, or study for the next test. It was a never ending journey of stress and worry. In my mind the only acceptable grade was an A or A+, on anything. I am not just talking about tests. I am talking about all the little assignments that were given, participation, basically anything and everything. I would go home mad at myself when I had an A- or B's or once in awhile an occasional C on an assignment. I know that people judged me for being upset about these grades, because in their minds they were not bad. In retrospect they were right, but they were not obsessing over their GPA like I was.
I let myself measure my intelligence by what my grade card and midterm reports said. When I was not doing how I thought I should be doing I would study ten times more for it, and do all the extra credit that I could get for it. You might think this is a great thing, you were pushing yourself to be better. I was pushing myself to be better, but it was not without a cost.
I used to have really bad anxiety about my grades, and my mood for the entire day depended on how well I did on the assignment we got back in class. I would not hang out with friends, because I was only focused on my homework and studying. I isolated myself with the class textbooks and notes and just sat there in my room studying. I obsessed over perfection in my school work, and for that reflection on my grade card. In the end though my GPA was a better reflection of the perfect 4.0 stress and anxiety it was causing me, rather than my schoolwork. I was its slave. My grades controlled me and what I did.
People who know me might think that I am still exactly like this, but I'm not. I know that perfection is not attainable. I study for the right reason of wanting to know more than to just get a good grade. I have found a balance in my life, and am able to accept the grades I get, despite that I still want an A. I have not changed the fact that I like to push myself to do well in my classes, but it does not stop me from doing other things. I have a social life, and am still able to be a part of different organizations on top of doing well in school. Finding the balance is important and accepting everything as it is and not worrying about being perfect is what I have finally comes to terms with. I only wish that I could have figure this out sooner.
