ATLANTA, GEORGIA
Georgia Governor Nathan Deal resigned this past weekend due to inclement weather. Snow, sleet and ice-plagued the streets of Georgia this past weekend while Walmart's bread and milk sales tripled. Having only served the state of Georgia from 2011, he has surprisingly seen several "snowpocalypses" during his term.
During his resignation speech, Deal stated:
"I just can't do this anymore. We have one salt truck. If the people of Georgia even think about snow, the state completely shuts down. It's too much for one man to handle. It has been an amazing five years serving y'all."
Deal left abruptly and refused questions from press.
After picking up milk and preparing for impending doom, Deal returned with a young man.
"This is Mark. He's a clerk at Wal-Mart and has held the state together better than I ever could have. Mark is in charge now."
Mark had no comment on this nomination.
In 2014, during the snow storm that brought Georgia to its knees, Deal was unable to prevent the tragedy that followed. Georgia cows began striking, refusing to produce more milk after excess sales due to snow. Georgia highways were backed up for miles, but no one was really surprised about that. Walmart, Thomas Bread and Mayfield stocks spiked and caused massive economic fluctuation.
We interviewed one North Georgia citizen to hear what they had to say about this horrific event.
"I don't like to think about it. When I close my eyes, I still see grocery stores with more people than food," Atlanta professor Grace Shoeman said as she recounted the catastrophic series of incidents.
"People camped out on the highway because they don't understand the word 'Hazardous'. Why aren't we prepared for this? What is wrong with this state?"
After less than one inch of snow, conditions deteriorated in the southern state. Despite the lack of snow on the roads, 15 accidents occurred within an hour of the so-called blizzard. We found a native New Yorker — who had recently moved to Georgia —outside tanning and attempted to interview them. Unfortunately, we could not hear their comments through bellowing laughter at the word, 'snowpocalypse'.
Without a governor to hold accountable for the poor weather, Georgians looked to the stressed Walmart clerk left in charge. He was found curled up in the fetal position, crying.
With the winter storm behind us, as the dust settles, we say goodbye to Governor Deal. Thank you for never preparing us for snow in almost six years of service. You will be missed.
Disclaimer: Humorous fiction.
