"When I get where I'm going, I'm gonna walk with my granddaddy and I'll tell him how I've missed him every minute since he's left."
We are meant to live, and we are meant to die. It’s just how life works. But perhaps the hardest part about dying, is when we watch those we love die. There is nothing easy about death. Especially when we have to say goodbye, and unexpectedly. We have to learn how to accept that we won’t be seeing you every day, or talking to you every day, or even be able to give you a hug or say I love you one more time. As human beings, we love routines, we crave the comfort that they give us. I think that’s why death is so hard, because it disrupts our “normal.”
If you’ve read some of my other articles, you know that my family is very close. My cousins are my best friends, and my aunts and uncles are just an extra “mom” and “dad.” I think we have my grandparents to thank for that. My grandma is our rock.She’s the glue that keeps us all together. (I could write a whole book on how amazing my grandma is, but I’ll save that for another week.) In 2008, she lost her rock. My grandpa- or as we all called him, our papa. All because those two people fell in love, we have our crazy family.
On February 8th, 2008, he passed. He died from cancer. He went the most peaceful way someone could- in his sleep, and in his own home with the love of his life by his side. Like a lot of people do, we thought we had more time. We weren’t ready- but who ever is? I still remember the last moment I had with him- we were over at my grandparent’s house, and he was asleep. I remember my mom saying it was time to go, so I walked over to him like I did every time I left and gave him a kiss on his forehead.
The funeral broke my heart into a million pieces. This was the man who taught me how to love Rusty Wallace and how to shoot a bow. He was the man who always had a smart ass comment to make, and a beer in his hand. If you knew my papa, you knew he was sarcastic, but he always had that charming Wright smile to go along with the trouble he was causing. He loved all of us so much. Even the little ones he didn’t get to spend much time with, or meet. (For those of you who don’t know, there are 9 of us grandkids.)
We finally buried his ashes this past year. We all thought 8 years later it would be easier- boy, we were wrong.
I miss him every day. We all do. And I would be lying if I said I didn’t cry while writing this, and my heart wasn’t breaking all over again. But I know he’s with me- he’s with all of us. He watches us, and sometimes he visits us. Sometimes I can feel when he’s with me, and I just stop what I’m doing, and I know he’s right there with me. Or sometimes he’ll give me signs, like when his songs come on the radio in moments that I need him the most.
We are all doing really well. Cassidy is almost done with college. She takes life by the reins and she has so much going for her. Derek is about to graduate from high school- and his plan is to go into the service. Just like when you two used to play army men together for hours and hours. He is brilliant. Bray is a Wright boy through and through. All about the racing, the hunting, and most importantly, he’s a smart ass. Aaron is a stud. He’s a hell of an athlete. Charlee is absolutely beautiful and has the most genuine heart in the world. Brady is the funny one. I think he has a Wright sense of humor, too. Apryl is definitely a Wright. She is fearless. Now, Jack, he is definitely giving us a run for our money. He’s a sweet kid though. And as for me Papa, I’m doing good. I’m engaged. Thank you for showing me what kind of love I want in my life, because I found it. And I wish every day that you could meet Kev. He fits right in. You would like him. We’ll have a seat saved on our wedding day. All in all, your kids did a pretty damn good job at raising us all.
Now, for Grandma. She’s good, Papa. She doesn’t look a day over 20- but I’m sure you know that. We are taking good care of her.
We miss you. Every day. But we know you’re our guardian angel. We didn’t get to say goodbye, but we know you’re waiting for us up there. With a beer in your hand, and Satchmo on your lap.
We love you.
