Goodbye, my first true love.
On the first Valentine’s Day I spend alone, I'm reading the old love letters you wrote to me on special occasions like this. Reminiscing on all the great memories we had with one another over the past few years, not knowing the last time I would hold your hand as we walk to our usual restaurant on Saturday nights. Singing loudly to our favorite songs while cruising in your car during our summer vacations. Cuddling by the fire after a long day of snowboarding in the mountains. There are endless memories I have shared with you and I couldn’t be happier. More importantly, you taught me three things that I will take with me for the rest of my life, and our relationship taught me things that I will remember on my journey to come in my path for the future:
A deep connection. I never thought I could share so much with someone in such a short amount of time. We always knew exactly what the other was thinking no matter what the circumstance. We could sit in your living room, in complete silence, and the room would still be full of sound. We knew exactly what we wanted for each other because we had more similarities than I could count. From our shopping trips to the mall to learning how to play golf so I could enjoy your passion with you, we grew as a couple in each adventure we would undertake. I knew all your flaws and you knew mine, and we loved each other more for it. I never thought I could have met my person until I met you.
Moving on. I never thought I would ever have to think about the possibility that our love wouldn’t be able to conquer it all. Through it all, I embraced it with you. Late night phone calls when I could not fall asleep or driving to my house with a bouquet of red roses in your hand to apologize for hurting my feelings in a fight we had an hour before. We learned how to cope with problems between us and move past them. You have taught me how to love myself again and not depend on someone to help me through all of the problems I face in life. I learned the only way to move on is to be happy for yourself and not for anyone else. Take matters into your own hands and be confident in yourself. Don’t care about what other people think because one day you will meet someone who loves you for just the way you are, like you used to. Moving on isn’t the easiest, but it becomes easier if you have family and friends supporting you the entire way.
Learning how to love someone. I never knew what love truly felt like until I met you. The butterflies I would get in my stomach as I drove around the corner to your house, the excitement of finally seeing you again filing up my mind. You knew exactly how to make me happy whenever I was feeling down, or whenever I got a cold. You would be at my doorstep with a sickness care package and would carry me from the door to my living room couch; you would grab a blanket and lay down with me in your arms until I fell asleep. You would always be there for me no matter the circumstance. If it involved my friends, family, or school, you would be right there right next to me whenever I needed someone to hold or talk to. You motivated me to keep my head up when I felt like giving up and telling me to try again. Trusting you with my life without a glimpse of regret because you always believed in me. You proved yourself to me in more ways than I can remember. You knew how to make me laugh even if that was the last thing I wanted to do, especially when we get locked out of my car.
You taught me exactly what to look for in a man. You taught me how to be patient. I wish I knew that the small kiss you placed on my cheek before you left to go home would be my last. Through all of the laughs, cries, and ups and downs I shared with you, I never thought I would have to share them with anyone else. I thought you were the only one for me. Time changes everything, and unfortunately it was time to finally say goodbye to my best friend. Goodbye to my first valentine. I truly wish you the best, and I want you to know that I was lucky to have fallen for someone just as hard as you fell for me. For that, I thank you.
