I knew this would happen eventually. You would leave me behind; everyone always leaves. I tried so hard time and time again, but it never worked out. It never does. People can only take so much of me and then they get sick and tired then leave. I know I haven’t treated you the best in the past, but then again neither did you. Yet you still meant the world to me
It’s crazy how one person can mean the world to you, but to that person you’re just another star in the sky. One that no one cares much about.
I never thought this would happen so soon. I feel betrayed by you honestly. You promised me you’d always be here for me, and I trusted you. Now I know to take what people say with a grain of salt. There’s always a chance of people leaving. For the most part, people will leave.
We had a special bond between us. The death of a coworker is what brought us together. In the darkest moment of my life thus far, you came into it and shined your light into my life to help guide me out of the dark. Now that your light is gone from my life, I’m right back to that darkness, but this time for a different reason. You were the greatest thing to ever happen to me, whether or not we were together.
You gave me so many memories. You gave me lots of smiles and laughs, as well as a lot of tears and sadness. Regardless, you created memories that will be extremely hard to forget. From the week I stayed with you since my house was being redone, to the trips to Colorado Springs, to even just spending all weekend binge watching The Office.
I’m telling myself that in time I’m going to get better. You used to always reference a movie line to me that says, “once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.” Well I’ve hit rock bottom again. I haven’t been here since the fall of 2015, which was right before you entered my life. I always tell myself that everything happens for a reason, but right now I’m not able to accept this. This doesn’t seem real. This pain doesn’t seem real, it’s not right. You have caused me pain, but I never thought you’d cause me this unbearable pain. But really, I guess I deserve it.
Maybe this is going to benefit me for the time being. Hopefully someday you’ll come back into my life. I’ll always be here waiting with open arms. Whether you go through a heartbreak or you just miss me, but maybe you won’t miss me. My biggest fear is that the final goodbye over the phone is really the final goodbye. I don’t want it to be, but it’s life. It hurts, it’ll hurt for a long time because you’ll always have a place in my heart, but I will try to stay strong. I know that’s what you’d want from me. You always wanted me happy, and I know that will always stand true. I hope you know that I just want you happy as well, so if this will help you be happy, then fly free. I’ll miss you and some days will be harder than others, but it’s what is best for you I’m sure.
I don’t want it to be the final goodbye, but if it is, thank you for everything and I hope you live your life to the fullest and you never lose the light in your smile.
“Long live the walls we crashed through, all the kingdom lights shined just for me and you” –Long Live by Taylor Swift