It has come to my attention, via an email sent out by Marywood, that one of the dining halls on campus has been shut down. Last year, a similar change in dining arrangements occurred, and I expressed my displeasure with the alterations in my very first Odyssey article. The dining service on my campus was less than enthused by the article, but I swear it was written only with the intention to make people chuckle. I was neither poisoned nor banned from the food establishments this past year, so I decided to push my luck and write another article. Although the sequel is never as good as the original, I will do my best to instill some witty humor to the changes that will likely make Marywood students feel obligated to work in solidarity with the squirrels on campus to hoard nuts for winter. Here are seven ripple effects to closing First Stop.
1. The other food establishments on campus will be busier than ever.
There will be no such thing as getting a "Quick bite to eat." No, the school is not that big, but neither are the number of dining options. We all want—sometimes need—the same general things: coffee, breakfast sandwich, quesadilla. We cannot, however, all get these things in a timely manner if we all order at the same time, which we will do.
2. The limited number of places to dine on campus is a turn off for potential students.
One thing that can unite even the most adverse foes is food. Removing such a commonality, Marywood removes a certain comfort that could favorably attract more students. More food diversity, more chances of finding happiness. At least, that's what all the fairy tales claim, right?
3. The Learning Commons will sound more like the football games we don't have than a library.
The Learning Commons Café already became the hub of campus this past year to the dismay of people who like to study in a more quiet setting. You know, like a library.
4. Students will have an aggressive amount of leftover Pacer Points.
Unnecessary spending is never more prominently seen than when it is the last week of the semester and people have points to use up. It's also seen in the furniture found in the Fireplace Lounge, but that is something to poke fun at in another article.
5. The tardiness of students will be obscene.
The amount of people that already walk into class late holding a coffee or smoothie, or sometimes a whole meal, is quite astounding. I do not blame them (me) in the slightest, but I'm thinking professors will eventually stop being so understanding. There is no expediting a ridiculously long line, though, so however long it may have taken you in the past to get a bagel, triple it. Once you figure that out, switch to B.Y.O.B. (buy your own bagels) and spend a little more time in bed there bud.
6. Commuting to class will involve far too much human interaction.
7. I am inevitably going to have to make my own quesadilla.
This one will actually affect more than just me for a couple reasons. One, I am no Chef Boyardee and the likelihood of me starting a fire is high (sorry, Woodlands residents). Two, after I try and fail to make an edible quesadilla, I will be both hungry and unpleasant (sorry, roomie). If you think I will become a better cook with time please note that I still can not properly use a microwave, so an oven will surely be a hot mess (ha, literally).
I understand that I can (and just may) bring these probable dilemmas directly to Marywood. This method of venting, though, allows me to express my discontentment in a more informal way. Moreover, I want to say that I wrote this article to organize my arguments, but honestly, the GIFs were too accurate to pass up.
Well, at least we have take out now. What a great day to be a Mustang!