At the time of writing this, it’s your birthday, Jeff. Sixty-four years, it’s a big milestone. I’ve been wanting to reach out to you about this for so long, and today just seemed to be the right day to do it. Look, I know you don’t know who I am, but I just wanted to thank you. I have a few things to be thankful for. As an actor, you’re a major inspiration. With “Jurassic Park” you showed us that smart could be sexy. You showed us how a hero could be less traditional, but still save the day. Twice. Yeah I remember “The Lost World” buddy, it’s really nothing to be ashamed of. With “The Big Chill” we learned the importance of sex and rationalizations. With “The Prince of Egypt” we learned… I’m not sure, point is you were in that too and I enjoyed it.

But even despite your star-studded career, I have something I have to be more thankful towards you for. You see, I’m an amateur rapper. My rapper name is Yung Goldbloom. Yep, that’s inspired by you big guy. Flattered? I hope so. To this day, I’m only somewhat sure as to why I picked you. I don’t look extraordinarily like you, I get compared to McLovin more than anything. So why you? Why did I decide you to be my namesake? I do have a few ideas.

First it comes down to sheer artistry. I’ve always considered you someone with strong artistic integrity. When I think of someone who sells out, choosing the money and fame over the art of acting, you’ve never come to mind. Secondly, you’ve just got the right look. It’s what I’m trying to emulate if anything. Smart and quirky can be sexy. You do it great, why couldn’t I? And third the name just has the right sound. My Jewish ancestry isn’t the biggest facet of my existence by any means, and I’m not trying to drive home anything by the name. It just sounded cool. That’s a good enough reason, isn’t it? Isn’t it?

As unlikely as it is, I hope this message reaches you. Even though I haven’t worked on my rap career for a little bit, I still do believe it to be part of my identity. And as such, I feel a sort of connection to you. So happy birthday, Jeff. I hope it’s a good one, and thanks again.