Question: Do you know anyone your age going to therapy or seeing a counselor? It’s very likely that you don’t. Personally, I know only one person in my life that goes to therapy (other than myself). I could give you numbers and data and statistics that show how helpful therapy can be, and how truly everyone, yes — I said everyone, could benefit from therapy. But I think a personal testament feels more honest, more reliable, and more real, and I hope that it helps diminish some of the stigma around it.
**Also, side-note, therapy and counseling are kind of the same thing — but for some reason, even in my own head, therapy seems to have more of a stigmatizing connotation. Dunno what that’s all about, but I’m gonna call it “therapy” in this article in hopes that maybe it’ll help make that term more casual and familiar in our minds.**
I’m a relatively normal person — I come with my personal baggage, much like everyone else. I have a little more than some people, though still not as much as others. It really is true that there is always someone out there that has it worse than you do.
Emotionally, I carry a lot with me that stems from my less-than-perfect childhood with young and separated parents. I came out alright, I really did, but I know that I can be better. I learned some bad relationship habits and some bad self-love habits, and I know I could do so much better without them. But believe me when I say that it is very hard, nearly impossible even, to unlearn bad habits alone. It is also hard on your relationships if you ask people to help you with your bad habits, I know this from experience. So, this is what therapy is for.
Here are the reasons I truly believe everyone could benefit from therapy:
Validation.
Therapists are trained to validate our emotions. We may not realize it on a day-to-day basis, but most of us have our feelings invalidated quite regularly. It could be something simple, like saying: “I really don’t like this shirt anymore” while sorting through your clothes, and someone else arguing: “But you used to love it!” as a reason to keep something you know you won’t wear anymore. On a deeper level, when I tell someone “You’re making me feel bad!” as they poke fun at something they know I’m insecure about, their response “Relax, I’m just kidding!” invalidates the fact that whether they’re serious or not, what they said hurt my feelings.
Therapists are great because they validate your emotions, no matter how big or small, and I didn’t realize what a difference that would make in my life until I started spending 60 minutes a week with someone validating every feeling I voiced. Validation helps me not feel guilty about how I feel. Even if I don’t want to be mad or hurt or scared about something, I am, and it only hurts me more in the long run if I try to talk myself out of feeling that way. Validation gives me greater confidence in how well I understand and accept myself. This is also true with my relationships.
It improves your relationships, directly and indirectly.
Even if certain relationships aren’t the focus during counseling, simply having someone else to talk to can indirectly strengthen those relationships because you’ve added someone new to your support system. Of course, as human beings we will always seek sympathy from the people closest to us, but having an outlet in therapy where you can release your emotions can really lighten the mood in your other relationships. I’ve found this for myself.
I’ve noticed that talking to my friends and family about recurring issues in my life can put a great deal of stress on them. It’s not because they’re bad people and don’t care about my life, it’s actually quite the opposite. They care so much that hearing about recurring problems puts a lot of stress on them because they want to fix it for me so bad. Not only that, but we are all human and we all have problems, so sometimes hearing about other peoples’ problems can be a burden on us when we’re also dealing with our own.
When normally I may have complained to my best friend about a conflict with someone, after talking to my therapist about it I usually feel like it’s all talked out. That means that I can spend more time doing fun things or relaxing with my best friend because I don’t need to vent to her as often.
Talking about difficulties in your relationships with a therapist can also help those relationships directly. I tell my therapist about many of the little happenings in my life from week to week, and when I tell her about issues big and small in my life, she has really awesome insights to offer that I never would have thought of (therapists are trained to do this).
For example, last week I told my therapist “I really feel like my dad is annoyed with me and doesn’t want me around, I don’t know what I did wrong or how to make it stop.” She asked me for examples of how I could tell he felt this way, then said “Hmm… those are all examples surrounding money… Is money tight for your dad right now?” And sure enough, my dad just spent a big chunk of change on a gift for his significant other, and is preparing to take out a student loan for me for the Fall. His irritability hasn’t been about me at all, and she helped me see that, and it took a lot of stress and pressure off of my shoulders. It also made me more conscious of it around my dad, so I could help relieve his stress.
You can get to know yourself better.
This may seem silly because it seems like we all think we have a deep understanding of who we are, especially when we’ve spent so many years being ourselves. However, I promise you that there is always more to learn about ourselves because of things called “coping mechanisms.” These are what we use to protect ourselves from things that might cause too much of an upset in our lives. Rather than feeling the normal reaction to something happening in our lives, we may mask that original feeling with one that feels safer for us or makes us feel more in-control.
For example, I have a fear of being abandoned (I told you, less-than-perfect childhood), so sometimes instead of showing that I’m scared or hurt by someone doing something to make me feel abandoned, it comes out as anger. My therapist is amazing because when I voiced what I thought was only frustration at my mom saying “Fine, I won’t talk to you anymore” in our last fight, she asked “Are you sure you’re just angry?” and my eyes immediately welled up with tears. I wasn’t angry at my mom for saying that, I was hurt.
Therapy isn’t a place where you are told who you really are and what you’re really feeling, at least not when it’s done right. It’s is a place where you can be guided to understanding and discovering those things yourself. And it’s incredibly empowering.
It sucks that I’m afraid to tell people that I see a therapist. It sucks that sometimes when I tell people, their response is very wide-eyed and judgmental like they think I’m broken and have something deeply wrong with me because I’m talking to a professional about my life.
I see a therapist, I go to counseling, whatever you wanna call it, and I’m not broken. I’m the opposite of broken — I’m empowered, I’m growing, and I’m happier! Going to therapy doesn’t mean you’re crazy or broken, it just means you’re human. And I hope that by sharing my experience, if you feel that you need extra support in your life, maybe you’ll feel comfortable seeking that through therapy. Or maybe if someone else tells you that they’re seeing a therapist, you won’t feel bad for them or pity them, you’ll be happy for them and support them because I’ve shared my experience.
Whatever the case, I hope that we can all work together to lift the stigma from therapy, so people who could use some extra support, or are struggling with a mental health or emotional disorder, will feel comfortable seeking help. It takes all of us to #StoptheStigma.
If you're interested in finding a therapist, a really great place to start is PsychologyToday.com! You can see their faces (I know we shouldn't judge a book by its cover but sometimes it really is helpful), their locations, their specialties (in teens, abuse, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, relationships, and so much more), how they're trained to approach therapy, what insurance they accept, and so much more! Most of them write little blurbs about their approach to therapy and you can reach out to them for more information to see if you'd be a good fit directly through the site or you can call them. Also, if you have any questions about therapy from my experience, I'd really love to answer them, no matter who you are :-)
