This past week I was running low on empty and just felt exhausted. I am currently in the position to lead so many people and I get the opportunity to invest in so many different people. I love getting to do this, but somedays, I feel empty. I felt like I was just give, give, giving and not receiving anything back. I felt under appreciated and was annoyed that I would go to the end of the world for people but they wouldn't do the same.
Then I realized. That’s how God feels. God literally sent HIS only son to die for mankind on the cross and how many times do we act ungrateful for this gift? Think about it. Jesus took the beating for us, his blood was shed for us, and all we try to do to give back to him is not cuss, not get drunk, and call ourselves “Christians”. (inspired by a Francis Chan quote in Crazy Love that really convicted me).
How overwhelming is it that we have a king who gave EVERYTHING. He gave his LIFE up for us and all he asks for in return is minimal compared to what he did. He asks us to follow him, confess our sins, depend on him daily, love his people, and further his kingdom among others yet, that seems like "too much" for us. Some days when I get exhausted of always giving, I think to myself, "I'm not asking for a lot back here my goodness just a simple thank you or to be asked how are you doing this week?". Well in all honesty, God doesn't ask for a lot from us either when we compare.
Jesus took the weight, He took our shame, and we CANNOT EARN THAT as stated in Ephesians 2:8. No good work we ever do will ever measure up. To me that breaks me down every time I think of that amazing gift.
I think about how many times I go the extra mile for people and how it sucks that no one would do that back. But then God convicted me through Isaiah 53:3-7 and made me realize that is how Jesus feels. Think about it. This guy gave up his life and how many people out there are going to deny him. Some people don't even acknowledge this priceless sacrifice. How do you think that must feel? To me, it would probably feel like a slap in the face.
Sometimes I think Jesus can’t relate to me. But that is WHAT I LOVE about my perfect Savior. He IS so able to relate to me. He’s suffered, He’s felt pain, He’s felt under appreciated. He is right there with us in our pain. Hebrews 4:15
When bad things happen, I feel that sometimes I don’t deserve those events happening to me. However, then I think, did Jesus deserve to die on a cross for sins he didn’t even commit? Shoot. You got me God.
When I feel like I saw nothing in return and not even an ounce of appreciation, I don’t ever want to do things for people ever again or I regret going the extra mile. I’m like dang well they didn’t deserve my kindness. I see how God feels. I am so flawed and imperfect and no I definitely didn’t deserve to have my sins paid for by an innocent man. But does he regret it? NO.
No matter how far I wander off from him or how much I sin, He still recklessly pursues me and I am forever grateful for that. My cup was empty but God filled it back up and I once again have strength to go wherever he calls.