God speaks to everyone a little differently. And if there's nothing else I've learned on my walk with Him so far, it's that the way He speaks to me is a little bit more quiet and subtle sometimes. Sometimes I really have to just listen. And by listening, I mean REALLY listening. I have to ask Him a million questions. "What are you trying to teach me?" "Who am I in your eyes?" "What is it that you want me to take away from this situation?" "What can I do better?" You know, the struggle when God is really quiet and you start getting insanely impatient? Sometimes, I really wish He would scream at me. But the thing about God is, He isn't forceful with us. (Although, sometimes I wish He was!! It would make decision-making a whole lot easier) Ecclesiastes 3 is one of my favorite passages of the Bible EVER, because it truly explains to us that there is a time and purpose for every season in life. Sometimes, we try to rush to the next season as fast as possible. But that isn't the formula He wants us to use. That's not how it works. We can't just skip things. If you skip chapters in a book you're reading, it just won't make sense. So, even when He isn't giving us a direct answer, we must trust the process and learn to appreciate the season He has us in right now. We may not understand what He is doing now, but as the old saying goes- SOMEDAY WE WILL.

"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.' Psalm 61:2

So, time to get real. My whole life, the enemy has used rejection to really attack me. Being rejected from my biological father, other family members, and let's be honest- even guys in the past, caused me to really start rejecting myself. I really struggled with that for a while. I think, as females, we all do this at some point. But what I dealt with was a little bit more deeply-rooted. And the bad thing about rejection is -- it doesn't come alone. It attaches other strongholds to it, such as: fear, anxiety, shame, depression, etc. It truly isn't something you can come out of on your own. You can try to forget about things. You can try to go out and party. You can try to get attention from people in all the wrong ways. But all of these attempts will not only fail you, but they will dig a deeper hole for you to come out of. True freedom from not only rejection but ANY stronghold first requires you to see yourself through the eyes of the Father. (Which is impossible when you're wearing a blindfold, by the way) To do this requires you to FULLY know your worth in Him. And honestly, there was a time in my life when I didn't. It was a dangerous time, because I lost myself. About a year ago, I came back to Jesus. But there was a period of time about three months ago that something happened that was -almost- the last straw for me. The enemy was coming back for me, and this time, instead of plugging my ears, I really started to believe what he was telling me.

"For God alone has become by Savior. He alone is my safe place." Psalm 62:1-2"

Which leads me to the point of this story, the first time God truly spoke words to me. The first time I heard anything super clearly from God was on June 23rd of this year, the day before my birthday. My birthdays aren't really happy for me anymore at this point. Just like any other girl, I want to be married and have a family by now. I have always felt like I am two steps behind because I'm not there yet. As I was praying from a super low and vulnerable place, He told me "you're not a weed." I was confused as to what that really meant. The more I thought about it, the more I knew exactly what He was saying. Weeds. Think about them. They're unwanted. They're accidental. We just want to get rid of them. They don't serve a purpose. They are in the way. They don't have value. These exact lies are some of the ones the enemy was constantly yelling in my ear. But God gave me a single truth- one that covered up every one of these lies. By telling me what I was NOT. That very day was the day that I stopped seeing myself as a weed. I saw myself the way the Father sees me. And I have felt differently ever since.

Consider how the wildflowers grow…" Luke 12:27

If you really have trouble seeing yourself through His eyes, I have a little strategy for you. I have always had a thing for wildflowers. Never a single type of flower, in particular. But just the thought of wildflowers in general. I think I've always loved the way they don't match and they're just a little all over the place- like me. But, at the same time I love how they aren't intentionally planted, they just grow anyway. They don't let circumstance control them. Some plants need a lot of attention: fertile soil, water, lots of light. But wildflowers, they just grow where they want. They grow freely without human intervention; they are seen and watered by God. They weren't intended by man, but God simply thought we could use a colorful view on our morning drive, so He painted fields of yellow flowers for us to look at. I love that! I'll always be THAT girl that stops to Snapchat a picture of a tiny flower growing through the crack of a sidewalk. I think it's so cool how flowers aren't supposed to grow in the middle of concrete, but somehow this little guy squeezed his way through. It's like God gave that flower a specific job: Grow right HERE so somebody will walk past you and smile today! That's exactly what we are to God. Fields of wildflowers. A beautiful picture painted by Him that He is so proud of. In our moments when we feel accidental, when we feel like we don't belong, when we feel like rejection is all that we will ever know, when we feel consumed by the world or by society's standards or by our current circumstances - we have to go back to the beginning. We are NOT any of those things because GOD INTENDED ON US TO BE HERE AND OUR WORTH IS IN HIM ALONE. Like wildflowers, we were planted by Him. Even if the circumstance is unlikely, or if the place He put us is a bit uncomfortable, or if it seems like we are growing at a much slower rate than the others around us. Another thing about wildflowers is, some people consider them to be weeds. Not everyone loves them. You are a wildflower. Without you, every field would just be dull. You make people smile. You bring vibrant colors to someone else's life. You grow from the dirt and let the rain nourish you, not drown you. You were born with a specific purpose and He didn't create you on accident. Some people may not see your value, but God planted you and watered you all on His own so that you could be seen and known by Him. He really loves you that much. So, go ahead. Be a little more quirky. Be a little more awkward. Be a little more of your flawed, imperfect, but fully-loved-by-God self. Wildflowers will always be considered "weeds" in the wrong gardens. But the best thing about you is that you do not need the world to help you grow. Everything is happening just as it should. You will soon find that every situation you had to go through, every mistake you had to make, every tear you had to cry into a pillow will pull you in that much closer to the Father. I pray that you finally understand that He sees you as a wildflower, not a weed. He painted you bright. He calls you "chosen." I hope you finally find the courage to believe it.