I’m pretty sure my life is the epitome of “When you make plans, God laughs,” because He must have thought I was a comedian. A year ago, I would’ve never imagined I would be at the place in my life where I am now -- single, with a newfound confidence, grace, and faith. I did not see myself having this wonderful summer, spending it with my friends and family. I did not see myself lying in the middle of road one night with two of my closest friends, watching a lightning storm, nor did I see myself, more than once, barely staying awake on the way home because the nights event was so exhausting, in the best of ways. I did not know that I would begin to recognize the girl whom I was once, now a woman, and an upgraded version of her at that.

Almost as if God was chuckling to Himself and saying, “Oh my sweet, clueless child. Your plans are nothing compared to the ones I have for you,” He took my life and turned it upside down. He changed everything I had ever known, shot every idea I had for my future to Hell, and removed the center of my universe at the time, teaching me that I cannot place my heart and happiness in one person’s hands. He reiterated to me that I cannot depend on an earthly being to fulfill my wants, needs, and desires -- I have to solely depend on Him.

Everyday, I am told to thank Him for obstacles which come into my life, so I’m thanking Him. I thank Him for showing me how long I can go before breaking and how deeply, intensely, and passionately I can love someone, even in cases where they do not love me back or do me wrong. I thank Him for placing me at a university where I am home and have met some of my best friends. I thank Him for allowing my heart to be torn out and turning my world into a dark abyss, forcing me to seek Him in order to see the light. Most importantly, I thank Him for removing rubble from my heart so that I may love Him more.

My journey with Christ is one of the toughest things I’ve had to do. Everyday is a constant struggle to resist temptation; temptation from judging, cursing, becoming angry too quickly, jumping to conclusions, etc. Not only this, but I’ve learned that I have to keep focusing my attention on Him so that I am not drawn back into sin. Almost as if I have been given a third eye, I have better sight to see those whom I have done wrong. While I have fallen victim to heartbreak, I have also broken hearts myself. While I have fallen victim to being judged, I have also judged others. While I have fallen victim to being disliked, I have also disliked plenty. I hate to think I was a lesson for others, but I am, and I have to accept that and pray I have been forgiven by those I have wronged. But because I have a renewed and strengthened relationship with my God, I have to see the plank that is in my own eye. I have to realize that the darkness of self-pity is one of the blackest shade and I have to learn that if I am to love God with all my mind, body, and soul, I have to love my neighbors, though difficult that may be.

Ephesians 4: 31-32 says “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” This is what I’m doing -- I forgive those who have done me wrong, but I will not forget. Because of these people, I have found my way back to the man who will never forsake me, leave me, and always take care of me. I also pray that those whom I have wronged have found it in their hearts to forgive me. I know that I will continue to have bad days, but these bad days will be where I rely on God more intensely and passionately. These will be the days where I will feel His presence more than ever and know that my weaknesses and my prayers are being acknowledged. These will be the days where, ironically, I thank God, because they bring me closer to Him and allow me to better see Him in the days of good. He knows my needs and the plans for me better than myself and for that, I will be forever thankful.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”