One of the things which I always find myself praying to God for is the blessing of a relationship with a boyfriend. I have always dreamt of having a loving relationship with someone which would be honoring to God and would be a source of great joy. However, I have gone through seasons of my life when I have not had a relationship with anyone. I found myself becoming frustrated with this situation and prayed to God constantly for a relationship.

One day, I finally felt as though God was telling me I would have a relationship in college.

I was determined to do everything I could to make myself seem desirable to a guy. I worked out almost every day, wore full makeup on the daily, and even curated the cutest outfits I could the night before classes in order to ensure that I would look my best every day. I was convinced that I would find a wonderful guy, and we would develop a sweet romance in no time.

Throughout the past two years, I have never developed a relationship with someone.

I was frustrated. I had done everything I could! I simply could not understand why no one would want to date me. I determined that something must be wrong with me. Obviously, I wasn’t pretty, smart, or fun enough for a guy to want to date me.

Then, I started yelling at God and wondering why He still wouldn’t give me a relationship. I wanted to have a boyfriend so badly that it would hurt my heart at times. I had a heart full of love and I so truly desired to give this love to someone else, someone who I would marry one day. I told God this and poured out the desires of my heart to Him many times, sometimes for hours on end.

After a lot of time spent praying, God revealed many important truths to me.

The first one I learned was that all worrying I was doing about my appearance was killing me. I derived my value from my appearance, and I determined that even if the slightest thing was wrong with my appearance, I was not beautiful.

I was calling something that God Himself had created not good enough, and that’s just simply not true. I was blatantly ignoring the truth that I was "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14), and that thinking broke my Father's heart. I was calling God's creation something that was unworthy and not good, which was not honoring Him.

While I was learning those truths about my appearance, I also learned that I could not determine my worth based on my appearance. I needed to be more concerned with the condition of my heart, just as God told the prophet Samuel in 1 Samuel 16:7.

Since that is the way in which God looks at me, it should be the way in which I find my value. A pure heart is one of the ways I can honor God most, and I need to be sure I am honoring Him as much as I can whether or not I am in a relationship. The first place to start that is in my heart.

I also learned that I needed to find my identity in God instead of in a boy.

I needed to find all my fulfillment and satisfaction in Jesus Christ. After all, He is the only one who can fill me with true joy and show me the deepest and truest love in the world.

Before I tried to find someone with whom I would share love, I needed to share real love with God first. I needed to learn, first and foremost, that He loved me, and that was all I needed. Even if I never entered into a relationship in my life, God's love had to satisfy me and reassure me that I was worthy of another's love.

While I still pray daily for a relationship, I have learned that I need to actively seek God first before I ever pursue a relationship with a boy. His love is better than anything a boy could give me and it would bring me much more fulfillment. I need to create a foundation upon His love before I can start a relationship with another person. That would bring praise to Him and help to create a relationship for His glory when the time is right.