On August 12, 2016, Mark Sameth of the New York Times published an article titled "Is God Transgender?" (A friend just sent me the link last week, so please excuse my being late to the discussion on this.) I read the article quickly first, eager to read anything on queerness, then a second time much slower. And then I just sat still for a while—my mind was blown by facts and figures I had never heard of or seen before.
Sameth discusses the "highly elastic view of gender" seen in the Hebrew bible "when read in its original language" before pointing to not one, not two, but five examples of gender fluidity in Genesis, Esther and Isaiah. He goes on to discuss ancient Mesopotamia and Egypt, where gods were often gender fluid or gender neutral. Then, he pulls out this card:
"The ... Tetragrammaton, YHWH, was probably not pronounced 'Jehovah' or 'Yahweh,' [but] ... as Hu/Hi — in other words, the hidden name of God was Hebrew for 'He/She.' ...the God of the three monotheistic, Abrahamic religions to which fully half the people on the planet today belong — was understood by its earliest worshipers to be a dual-gendered deity."
My mind was blown and I was satisfied. Then I realized that for some people, these facts are about as solid as the story of Jesus rising from the dead or turning water into wine or, for non-biblical examples, Big Foot or global warming. It doesn't matter what history says or what the facts say, people are going to believe in whatever they want.
So why was Sameth's article so convincing for me? I'm queer. I've known this for quite some time, although I'm not sure yet what that means exactly; I don't know where I fall on the spectrum. What I do know is that I've faced a lot of trials because of my sexual orientation. Between harassment at school and rejection at home, I've experienced a lot of hate. My relationship with god has always been there but it's wavered throughout the years.
Here's what I know about my god: he is compassionate and funny and forgiving; he's an entity with strong arms that comforts me when I'm feeling worthless. He knows more than I know about the future and he helps me keep my temper. He is not rude or vengeful or jealous; he does not punish me for making mistakes but helps me learn from them and become a better person. And he's some level of queer.
Sameth's article reminded me that my god is unique to my needs. He is everything I have to believe in in order to survive in a world where acts of violence against the black community, women and LGBTQ+ individuals triumph. With shootings and explosions and freak accidents happening every single day, I have enough negativity in my life. So, I have created a personalized deity that is everything I need and nothing that I don't.
