Dear Depression,
Hello, it’s me again. I thought we have been through this before. Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone? You’re weighing me down, and sometimes you make me feel like I am drowning. I told you before, you have no hold on my heart. Jesus died for my sins and I have no reason to be depressed. I have no reason to let you cover me in robes of doubt and emptiness. For so long I blinded myself to the possibility that I, a born-again believer, could ever live with you by my side; but here we are again and I am begging you to leave.
You’re going to slowly kill me if I can’t escape from your cold fingertips. Sometimes I go months without you and I think maybe I destroyed you. I think maybe that fire of truth that I read in the Bible has set my soul ablaze. I think maybe your gone for good.
Then I wake up and I turn to my side and see you lying next to me. All I can do is turn back over and lay in my bed because when you put your heavy arms around me all I can do is sleep. I don’t want to get out of bed, so I lay there and I hope that you leave. Sometimes I am brave, and I drag you out of bed with me and dump coffee on you in hopes of masking your smell. My friends always notice you anyway. I smile and tell them that, “I am fine.” But every girl knows that “fine” never means fine, it means broken and empty or angry and confused. Sometimes I tell them I am tired, which is the truth. I am tired of feeling down in the dumps when the sun is shining so bright I keep my shades down all day because I can’t deal with the light. I can’t deal with the light when the darkness overwhelms.
When I try to explain to them why I feel this way, there is never a good enough excuse. I am just depressed; I tell them in hopes that they will understand and leave me be to drown in the nothingness that surrounds my heart. Oh depression, can’t you see that you are ruining my life. You have ruined several friendships, and let’s not forget that wall you built between me and my family. It took weeks to knock the wall down, and the rubble took years to completely sweep away. What do you have against me? Does any of this even matter to you? I guess nothing really matters to you. You just consume every feeling until all that’s left is a hollow soul with no place to go.
Depression I must tell you something, because it has been a while since I saw you last. I know this will take you by surprise because it was something I didn’t believe for a long time. I am stronger than you think. I discovered while you were gone that the light I have inside me is so much stronger that your darkness. This time you can’t stop me, not even for a minute. I have the power of the Most High, and with God all things are possible. I am sorry, but there is no more room for you here, you must leave.
