Last Sunday Nick and I stepped outside for our weekly power walk down 6^th street to the donut shop, and we came to the same conclusion: this global warming thing is a bunch of bogus. I don’t have to be a scientist to realize that it’s not getting any warmer. For instance, last year during finals week in May, it was in the 40’s. 

But, according to politicians like Al Gore, we need to start driving less and recycling, so that the polar bears don’t starve to death. Oh no, heaven forbid we disrupt the life cycle of the polar bears. Yeah, we’ll see how badly Al Gore wants to save a polar bear when it’s two feet from his face, ready to tear him to pieces. Let’s be honest here, those savage beasts should be locked up in confined, yet comfortable habitats in public zoos. I’d feel safer living with Sharkeisha than having those man-eaters running rampant on the streets. 

When you look at global warming rationally, it really doesn’t seem that bad. First of all, who wouldn’t want the weather to be a little bit warmer? More people would go to class, so that’s a plus for the university. Also, it would give us all a chance to break out our Hawaiian shirts a little more often, and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Secondly, conserving energy is stupid. Thomas Edison is rolling in his grave every time some liberal politician mentions a smart car, or how we need to turn off the lights every time we leave a room. Yeah, that’s a great idea, let me just turn off all the lights at my house at night so I can get robbed. Americans shouldn’t conserve energy, we should utilize it. Leave the lights on all day, and celebrate the fact that we have electricity.  Let the next generation of people deal with our problems, while we reap the benefits in the meantime. While you energy conserving, tree hugging, Al Gore fans are out trying to save the polar bear populations, Nick and I will be driving our Hummer to the Tulsa zoo to  throw peanuts at the animals. 

The point we’re trying to get across is that politicians will come up with the craziest ideas just to scare people into voting for them. Al Gore’s movie An Inconvenient Truth is a prime example of this.  You want the real inconvenient truth, Gore?  George W. Bush won the election and you didn’t.  And your movie has as much credibility to it as Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. Go ahead and run up the heating and electric bills this winter, and save our people from polar bear attacks. 

Until next time, kisses.

Nick and Dave