Since I was little, I wasn't talkative, or a vocal person. Being meek was who I was. My mouth was usually closed and my eyes locked down on to the floor. I always had fear of being myself, that if I was myself people would think I was stupid. Whatever I was thinking or opinions I had I would lock inside like a cage.
I never really spoke much unless I was forced too in school. It left me alone a lot growing up and I spent most of my time in my room. I was labeled, "the mute girl", "the freak", "the weirdo", etc. Even at home, I didn't really speak that much either. I kept everything inside and never really let anyone in, to know the real me.
The only time I really felt like I could truly express myself was when I was writing.
I express through writing as the pen becomes my mouthpiece. Once the pen is on paper, it is like the cage inside of me is broken. The chain that suppressed me disappear as I am finally, free at last to be me. So much relief when my pen hits a new piece of paper. Everything I have thought about all day pours onto the page, without worries of judgment. Like a bird when it is flying, I feel free when I am writing.
I first started writing first when I was in middle school. It was more of a "Dear Diary" thing as every day when I came home from school, the first thing I would do is go upstairs to my room and write in my notebook. I would write diary entries all the time. I would write about how my day was in school, how much I love my friends, or how cute the boy I liked was today. It wasn't until 8th grade I wrote my first story about a princess saving her kingdom. Even though it was a very rough draft filled with random ideas, I was really proud of my work. I wanted to improve my writing, so I started to write more stories but a lot of them are still a work in process because I would always think of new ideas and write new stories.
When I got to high school, I developed my writing skills more. When I was going through all the issues I had in freshman year, I used writing express how I was feeling when talking didn't work. It became a type of therapy for me as I didn't feel alone or shy when I was writing, I felt free, alive and my self when expressing myself on paper. It felt like I had a voice when I usually didn't have one. I didn't have to worry about people judging me or making fun of me when I write because back then I would be the only one to see it.
Now that I am in college, my love of writing has grown even more and I feel like an actual writer.
Thanks to writing for most of my life, I was able to learn to get out of my shell and make friends. I have even gained the confidence to share my writing with people by going to open mics, going to workshop classes, etc. I never go anywhere without at least one journal with me in case I got a new idea or get inspired. My room is filled with different notebooks and journals, I can't tell you how many I have each one filled with poems, short stories, lists, and any random thought I had at that time. Libraries and coffee shops have become my new happy places as I am there most of the time and where I get most of my writing done.
Being a writer has become a part of who I am and because of it, I am able to express myself and gain more confidence in myself. When things were going bad in my life, the writing was my escape from everything. It gave a shy person the power to have herself heard. Now I am working on being published, minoring in English Creative Writing in college so I can help other people who are shy gain a voice as well and make themselves heard.