Earning your degree, starting your career, buying your own groceries, using your first credit card - your 20s are a decade packed with firsts that trick you into thinking you need to have everything figured out. Including your love life. Aunt Susan asking year after year if you're bringing someone to Thanksgiving doesn't help either. But here's the thing - your 20s are just the beginning. Let's put aside the stupid social construct passed down from our great-great-grandparents that make us think you have to find the love of your life before 30 (or at all) to be happy and fulfilled.
From personal experience and the experiences of my friends and family, I have a theory about why dating is such a shit show at this time in our lives: maturity. I'm not saying people in their 20s are dumb or aren't capable of having a serious relationship, because many are. But our brains are literally still developing, and we've only had a few decades on this earth to figure out who we are, what we want out of life, and how to handle any shit that already might be weighing us down.
Saying you'll "die alone" in your 20s is like saying you'll never find a job at age 5. Some (a lot) of people just aren't ready for it yet. And THAT'S OKAY!
It takes time and a lot of self-work to be truly ready to commit to someone, and that's a hard thing to accomplish for people this young. That's why they say your 20s is a time to "figure out what you want" - and that doesn't just apply to relationships. It applies to your whole life. If you're eager to settle down with someone but are frustrated with what dating has been like so far, consider taking a step back and changing your perspective. Consider not expecting so much out of people who, like you, are still getting the hang of the whole adulting thing.
Dating in your 20s can be an absolute shit show, and it's easy to become cynical about finding the person who you really vibe with. But next time you get ghosted, the next time your date makes you instant ramen for dinner, remember - you have plenty of time to figure it out.
Sheetal Tadiparty
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