A College Girl's #MeToo Moment

A College Girl's #MeToo Moment

Just a story about your average college girl until one night completely changed her world.
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It was freshman year of college, I had just gone through what I thought was a heartbreak. I started the night drinking with friends, one-shot lead to three shots which turned into me not remembering what I drank. More people had started to come over and everyone was drinking... a lot. I remember talking to this boy, I was happy because I couldn’t help but think “man why is this cute boy talking to me. I’m so out of his league.”

One minute turned to 20 minutes and that turned into us going to a room upstairs. I was okay with what was going to happen next. I knew what was happening next. When we finished I went downstairs and kept drinking; by that time I started to black out. I remember walking upstairs to go lay in a bed but after that, I have gaps in my memory. I remember being woken up too this sharp pain in my lower body. I woke up with someone I had considered a friend inside of me. I blacked out eventually; just frozen in that time I felt like I couldn’t talk or move. The next time I woke was when (it still pains me to say this), I woke up with someone not only inside me, but I also had someone in my mouth.

I passed out one last time and this time lasted until the morning. I woke up remembering what had just happened. I couldn’t tell anyone; who would believe me when they are big-time athletes at our school?

This experience destroyed me for 2 years. I finally have talked to someone about it and I am getting past all the emotions and pain this brought. It doesn’t matter who you are, it doesn’t matter what you wear — it is not your fault, and you are still worthy of love.

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11 Reminders For 2018

It's not too late.
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Hey y’all! It’s the second month into 2018 and let me just say that I have slacked on my New Year’s Resolution. That’s okay though because I can always do better. I can always pick up the slack and there has only been a month that has passed so that helps too. Everyone keep on keeping on with your New Year’s Resolution, you can do it!

So once the New Year rang around I knew I needed to challenge myself from just getting through the day to making each day and every minute count because we never know when it will end. The following 11 things I am going to write about isn’t my New Year’s Resolution, but 11 things that I am trying to remind myself every day to actually apply to my life. To make my life be something I can look back on in the future and to be proud of it.

1. Talk to God

After my long days of school, doing homework, washing clothes and getting around for bed sometimes I am just tuckered out. When I am finally done-ish for the day and I hop up onto my bed I just feel like I could sleep for days or maybe it’s my amazing memory foam pad my mom got me to put on my dorm bed. Thank you, Mom! When I hop onto my bed I sometimes immediately go to sleep which is a blessing that I have always been able to do when I was young and even now. My mom calls me her “little 19-year-old baby”, since I can fall asleep anywhere and eat every two hours. To the point though, at the end of the day sometimes I just need to talk to God. To give my worries, anxieties and good point of the day to him. Even though he knows what I did that day it’s just nice to talk to him at the end of a long day.

2. Don’t fear change

Trust me, I know this is hard to do. However, everything is supposed to happen for a reason. A person I love very much has a hard time with this. They don’t do well with change and they don’t like not knowing what will happen. They literally stress their self out thinking about what could happen, what will happen and what will happen if the situation is like this. Don’t fear change. Just go about your day and your life knowing that change should fear you. No matter what fast ball life is trying to throw you, you are a strong person and you can do this.

3. Live in the present

Yes, the past is a very nice place because we already know what will happen and how good things were but to live in the present you can’t keep wanting to live in the past. I have a hard time with this one. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being 10 and only having to worry about if I got my math homework done and then I could finally go play outside. With homemade meals from mom and just reading for fun instead of now of days reading a thick school required book that I kind of understand. I miss the people that I had in my life in that past that isn’t in my life anymore or the relationship isn’t the same. This year though I want to live in the present. Stop thinking so much of past events and just know that this is my life now because it’s supposed to be this way. That God has a plan for me and those memories and people in the past wasn’t supposed to carry to my future. That something more exciting and fulfilling is ahead and I just must keep on doing me to get to that.

4. Stop sacrificing your happiness for others

Happiness is something that every single person should know. So, if that person you thought was a good friend and was supposed to be there for you but didn’t give you the time and day like a friend should, then you need to say goodbye. Stop trying to keep people in your life who are taking away your happiness and don’t want what is best for you. You will meet someone that really cares about you and your happiness so don’t settle. You are better than that!

5. Save space for people who matter

This goes along with number four. Do not forget the ones that have helped you get where you are today or the people that have helped you grow into who you are today. Save space for them in your life. Don’t let someone come in and disturb that and push aside the people that you have saved space for.

6. Don’t chase anyone

Simpler said than done again. Everyone may or may not have done this in their life but let me tell you from experience, it’s not worth it. It may be fine for a while because you are looking at all the hope and possibility. Until one day you are getting tired of chasing them and getting tired of never getting them to stop and looking at all of you. You finally understand that while you have been chasing them, they have been running away from you. So, don’t chase anyone because you are better than that. Better than feeling like you can never catch up to the person you’re chasing. Plus, there could be someone chasing you and they are worth it.

7. Accept what cannot be changed

This could be something so simple like how tall a person is. I am 5’10” and almost all my life I have either been taller or the same height as boys my age. Sure this may sound great to people that have always been on the shorter side but when trying to find a potential boyfriend that is taller than me, it’s hard. I love high heels but, whenever I wear them I am close to or over six feet. After 19 years I have finally grown to appreciate my height and accepted that I cannot get any shorter. I can get whatever my mom needs from the higher shelf in the kitchen, when shopping I rarely need to call over a sale associated to get clothes down from the higher racks and I can almost take down my “little” brother who is 6’3”.

8. Leave what isn’t good for you

Don’t stay somewhere or with someone that is not good for you or your mental health. You do not deserve it and you deserve better, darling.

9. No matter what happens think positively

It takes more time to think about all the different bad situations that could happen rather than being positive about the situation. Having a positive outlook is better on yourself and who knows it could even steer the results to come out in your favor.

10. Give time for yourself and love yourself

Stop using the excuse that you are busy and couldn’t get to yourself today. There is always time for yourself. Give yourself five minutes or an hour. Just enough time to reflect on yourself and be the best you that you can be.

11. Keep in mind and repeat

This one is the simplest. Keep these reminders somewhere you can see them daily which will help you to keep them in mind and to repeat them each day.

So let’s all strive to start living our best self today so that later on in our life we can look back and be proud of ourselves!

-xx M

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An Exercise in Futility

Is exercise ever a bad thing?
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I used to be fat. Not anymore. Something great and looming, the idea that I would be permanently alone and unlovable, kicked me out of my stupor and into action. Weight loss pills and more running than most people will ever do in their lives is what followed. Now, when I look into the mirror, I still don’t see entirely what I want to see. I see every imperfection on me, every stretchmark like a black mark on my physical resume. But, now I have a different problem.

I didn’t stop going to the gym, if that’s what you’re wondering. Exercise is a wonderful thing for the mind and body. You can find me on the elliptical six days a week, despite the enormous fee the university charges me to do so. It clears my mind, especially in turbulent times. But I can’t seem to find it in me to work. I must admit, I’ve been using exercise as a crutch, something that needs to be done, so that I can NOT do something else. Most people I talk to have similar experiences, except their crutches are simple time-wasters, like tidying up bookcases or watching Netflix. I go out and I sweat until I come home, too tired to do much of anything. I think you can see the issue.

So, now that I’ve come to this conclusion, how am I going to fix this? All things are considered but I still need to go to the gym. I still eat more than most people and this corrective exercise habit is keeping me from ballooning up again. I am very bad at managing my day. I can’t keep a schedule or a planner for anything. I need to tell myself no.

“Myself, we have things we need to do.” I say to myself.

There’s something so appealing about being able to take an hour plus out of my day to just pedal out my frustrations but when it starts to cut into my other necessary activities, what can I stop?

I’m terrified of waking up the same me that I was senior year of high school: a bloated, sad, future-corpse. It’s irrational, I know. It would take a gargantuan effort for me to inflate like that again, but the thought will always be there, close to the center of my brain. I’ve improved myself, but every day still feels like an uphill battle. I’m torn between these two urges. If I stop exercising to get things done, my anxieties start to flare up. If I exercise and then don’t do what I need to do, even worse things than that may happen.

I need to stop giving myself so much leeway when it comes to these things. I am caught between a rock and a hard place, but I need to remind myself that there are worse situations in the world, and if I just straighten myself up, I can get myself out of this rut I’m in, and maybe find myself some time to hop on the bike too.

Cover Image Credit: University of Bath

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