I don’t think any of us survive until college without knowing an "it girl." That girl has been haunting you forever. You know her! The one with the perfect hair? The one with a completely flat stomach, despite always being ready to down a burger and fries, or really any number of fried, fatty foods. If you’re looking for her, you can find her hanging out with the guys. She thinks girls are too dramatic and bitchy. This girl never stayed at home. She was always surrounded by friends. Your "it girl" may have dominated your middle school like mine did, or she might only star in the countless TV shows and romantic comedies you’ve seen.
Either way, she is inescapable. Hard as you might try, you can never quite succeed in imitating her. Something is always elusive — some aspect just a tiny bit out of reach.
For most girls growing up with this image, it has been a long and often painful process to face the reality that becoming a copy of that "it girl" just isn’t going to happen. Most of us can’t down fried food and stay supermodel thin. I certainly can’t! We are not always surrounded by adoring friends. We are not always on our way to an exciting adventure. In fact, sometimes, we all need a night in with a soft blanket and a good book or addicting TV show. The "it girl" stereotypes forcefully shove girls into molds that don’t even come close to fitting. It’s not surprising, given how absolutely unrealistic the standards she sets are. In real life, every girl that seems to fit those stereotypes will surely have some flaws. We’re human, after all.
I could go on about every part of this stereotype and how inadequate and unsuccessful they have personally made me feel. However, there is one aspect of the "it girl" that I have come to resent most over the years. And that is her rejection of female friendships.
Like many other girls, I have fed into this trope, at times. I’ve bragged that I “get along better with guys” or that “my guy friends are just more chill.” I’ve personally thrown my fellow girls under the bus more than I am proud of, putting them down as “bitchy,” “catty,” or just “too much drama.”
As I’ve grown up, though, I’ve come to realize that I’m just feeding into the stereotypes that have always been used to repress and insult women. With that realization came an appreciation for my own female friendships — one that has only grown since!
My friendships with other girls and women have provided a safe space to be vulnerable, unsure, and at times, a complete mess. Having someone to commiserate with about periods or sexist comments in class, or something much deeper than that, helps so much.
My friendships with women are so much simpler. At least in my case, there is far less second-guessing myself and questioning the way I appear, behave, or express myself. My female friendships give me a place to be confident and happy without feeling guilty or conceited. They allow me to be physically and verbally affectionate in a way I have never felt free to be with my guy friends.
I'm not saying that I don’t have guy friends whom I love. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with women! If there is one part of the "it girl" illusion I wish would disappear most, it’s that. Stop pitting women against each other and convincing them that female friendships are toxic and spiteful. They will only be that way if you let them.
