Hi, guys.
How are you?
It's been a while, huh?
You've read the title and seen the photo, so I guess this is it. Here goes.You're probably confused. I was too when it finally dawned on me that even though the three of you were my number 1s, I was your number 3.
..or 4.
...or 5.
I get it. It's hard when you graduate high school and aren't spending almost 8 hours a day together.But that's okay. Toxic friendships are no good, and this one had run its course.
Which is fine too. Break ups happen! Literally all the time! But I looked around, and suddenly.Because you three had each other, and I just had myself. I was going to school, I moved out of Batavia, I didn't have my own car. I guess that might have been hard for you. But it was even harder for me, watching from the outside as the three of you grew closer while I wasn't a part of it. We had fun when we were together. Sometimes we even had a lot of fun! We would talk about life, and the meaning of life, the men and women in our love lives, school or work, and each other. But those conversations became few and far between.
You’ll message me or text me after you read this, trying to save face like "You don't really think that do you?" “Oh, we’re just so busy all the time and so far away from each other.” But you weren’t busy when you invited me to hang out, then proceeded to do so without me, right? Driving all around town, listening to music, playing with fossil kits? Where did you get those by the way? They looked like fun from what I could tell from your Snapchat stories.
I thought you know, maybe that was a fluke day. They must have forgotten about me. But can you imagine how that feels? Reasoning with yourself that it was okay you didn't get to see your best friends because you were just forgotten about? How bad about myself did I have to feel, to believe that being forgotten about was okay? And then I remembered the Snapchats. I wasn't forgotten in the moment, I was forgotten altogether.
That's when the hurt really started. By that point, I had already been phased out. By girlfriends, and boyfriends, and new friends, and school. It was only then that I realized it. It became painfully obvious when I was the only friend not tagged or mentioned on "National Best Friends" day. I finally told myself that we were broken up. You just didn't know it yet.
So, to the girls who were my best friends, even though I wasn't yours, I'm sorry. Not for saying all of this, but for not saying it sooner. I'll still like your statuses, and share your art, and privately stalk your pages to see what you're up to, but I can't be your best friend anymore. I don't think I have been in a long while anyway.
Sincerely yours,
Grace
