I know what you are thinking in the dressing room because I am also a girl who can't find the perfect pair of pants. I'm the awkward height that pants deemed of "regular" length are a hair too short and the pants blessed with a "long" tag are a couple inches too long. I am also the girl who can fit into a multitude of sizes from different stores. My legs should get the MVP award for their versatility. I don't think we are asking for much, just a pair of pants that fit us like "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." You know that book is pure fiction because there is no way a pair of jeans can fit anyone perfectly, yet alone four different girls. It is mathematically impossible. I'm sorry. I love the books and movies, but the author had to be living in a complete fantasy if she thought jeans would possibly fit anyone right. Or maybe she was dreaming of a utopian world filled with perfect fitting jeans. I just may be extremely bitter about it, but that's okay. I've gone nineteen years without finding the perfect pair of jeans. Jeans that are deemed comfy enough that I would sit in them for a three-hour lecture, but fit perfectly and don't bunch up in weird places. My wish list is not long, it shouldn't be impossible. I'm just a girl looking for the perfect pair of pants.
So, to the girls that can't find the perfect pair of pants, this is for you. The ones who go to the dressing room with arms full of denim. The ones who do a little dance to attempt getting on their jeans. The ones who have "pants exercises" to get the pants loose enough to be able to walk. To the ones that are too short for "regular" but too tall for "short." To the ones who don't actually know your pant size because the number system seems to not be universal. To the ones that give up after breaking a sweat and just wear leggings. I feel for you all. This is a difficult world we live in where girls dread trying to find the perfect pair of jeans.
I'm here to tell you that it isn't your fault. Stores are dumb trying to sell us a bag, or a pant, of lies. We keep feeding into it because clothes have become a social construct and adaptive protective technique throughout time. People need clothes. You can get arrested for indecent exposure if you don't wear clothes. So since we are forced into these garments, shouldn't we be comfortable? Denim is terrible. It is versatile, but terrible. Really anything can match with denim, even other denim (only sometimes in the right lighting, with the right circumstances). It is not that comfortable to be in for long periods of time and god forbid it is raining outside. Do not even get be started about the "pockets" on jeans. Want to know why pockets are in quotations? It's because most of the time, they are fake. Why would you do that to a person? The best part is, if the pockets do exist and aren't off in Narnia, they can fit maybe a stick of gum. Maybe. Jeans are terrible.
To the girl who can't find the perfect pair of pants, you are not alone. To the girl who can't find the perfect pair of pants, we understand. To the girl who can't find the perfect pair of pants, I bet your sweatpants are comfortable because mine sure are. To the girls who can't find the perfect pair of pants, I wish you well on your journey to be comfy and stylish while in pants, but let's be honest, your leggings will never fail you, hurt you, or abandon you.
To the girls who can find the perfect pair of pants, tell me who you sold your soul to. Let them know I'm in.
