Since middle school things have been different. My mental illness has changed the way I interact with people and handle life. I cherish things and see things in a way that no other girl does. I cherish people, love, and loss in a way that most people would take for granted.I know that people can leave, love can be lost, and loss is not always something that is bad, and I know this all to well in my own head.
People are around all the time. They pass you everyday they smile and they wave. The hold you and they are your friends. They will always be here. That is how normal people see the world, but as a girl who sees the world beautifully differently I see it as so much more. I see it as something to hold close and cherish. Every wave on the street and every time a friend hugs me it is engraved in my memory. I see people as something that leave quickly and fully so I cherish every memory I make. That means when a person like my best friend Jinny doesn't leave I have all them ingrained in my brain, and it causes me to love so much harder.
Love is a thing that many people hold close to their hearts. They see it as first kisses and fuzzy feelings, but I see it as so much more. I see it as closeness and temporary. I see it as something that will never last, but should be used to the fullest. I know that the longer it last the better it is. I make sure to pour my whole heart and soul into the relationship because I know most likely it is temporary, and I know that I need to hold it close. I spend as much time building them up and loving them as I possibly can, and I know that the loss is something I will be okay with.
Loss is so horrible. It hurts and it is something everyone goes through. No one sees the good in loss of friends and relationships, but a girl like me we know. We know that loss is painfully wonderful. I know that all the memories are always going to be there. I know that I have the chance to show love and be there for those people even after I have lost them. I have the option to show love through myself for the rest of the time. I know what I am feeling and I know how to love it and cherish it the way it should be. Loving loss sounds weird to most but in a sense I do.
As a girl who see the world beautifully different I can say that these things are things normal people miss. As a girl with mental illness I see the world so so much more differently and I love it. I know that I may struggle, but that through those struggles I see the world so differently and beautifully.
