I’m 20, I Settled Down, I Have My Own Place. Get Over It

I’m 20, I Settled Down, I Have My Own Place. Get Over It

From bills and renovations, to learning about your partner and cleaning (always), it's an adventure for sure.

So, recently my boyfriend and I moved into/bought our first home. Boy, has it been a learning experience. From realizing how much "stuff" you have to have to make a house run, to learning the ins-and-outs of bills, we have had our hands full. However, moving into our first home has also been very exciting. Just thought I'd share some of our experience, and hopefully, all you new homeowners and young couples can relate.

Bills. Good gracious, there are a lot of bills. So many different due dates too. Why can't everything be due on the same day? And on top of that, each and every place is so particular on how you have to pay them. Some online, some mail in, some over the phone, etc. It's quite overwhelming going from a couple to a ton. Props to parents, I understand why you were so stressed all the time, I feel ya.

This one is for all you young couples. You never truly know someone until you live with them. Sure, my boyfriend and I stayed together a bunch at each other's houses, but I never truly understood how it would be to live with him. For starters, men are helpless. Sorry guys, I'm sure that's not the case with you all, but my boyfriend, brother, and dad all follow this. He has no idea how to wash clothes, load a dishwasher, or clean. I mean, I'm feeling a bit like the old south here doing all the household duties. However, I do have it good because boy does my man know how to cook! Since I pretty much suck, for lack of better words, in that department, it is nice to have someone who knows what he's doing help out.

Who knew there was so much to clean? I mean, I always thought it was annoying having to keep my room clean growing up, and then also occasionally the bathroom I shared with my brother. But a whole house? It's a full-time job in itself.

Groceries. Why is food so expensive? Where my boyfriend and I moved to is in the middle of the country, a good ways from town. So McDonald's is not the best option. Therefore, we have had to buy groceries and cook, but oh my the expense of food is ridiculous. Even trying to get what we could at Dollar General is crazy. Again, props to the parents on paying for my high metabolism all my life.

Even with all these annoying things, this experience has been exciting. We can't stop talking about all the improvements we want to make, the additions we want in the future, planting a garden in the spring, etc. It is so nice to have the freedom to do what you want to do with your own property and home. Decorating has also been a perk on my end, since we bought a little farmhouse and I am obsessed with paintings of cows. And my boyfriend has enjoyed our several acres of land, exploring and just being a guy. Ya know, cold beer, gun, and four wheeler. Yes, we live in Alabama.

All in all, it has been an experience, and I'm sure there is much much more to come. Good luck to all you fellow young couples and first-time buyers, and just know, I feel ya.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Ladies, You Deserve Better Than That Guy You Met At Pub

Go home with Chad who probably will not remember your name the next morning or question his motives and see if he actually wants to know you.

Have you ever been eyed from across the bar and then slowly approached, later receiving a free drink? Most would probably say yes. Obviously, this is the most complex form of flattery, getting bought drinks to become increasingly plastered. Did that same person later ask if you would go home with them? Wow, it almost seems like they had a plan all along. Now it is your decision. Go home with Chad who probably will not remember your name the next morning or question his motives and see if he actually wants to know you. With today’s absolutely absurd relationship culture, there are many things to think about.

There is a constant stigma against hooking up with someone on the first night and doing so will eliminate you from being seen as “girlfriend material.” However, if you wait too long you are seen as a tease and that person is most likely going to give up and look elsewhere. Another underlying pressure is the need to “repay.” If you are bought drinks or taken to a nice dinner, you may feel pressure from that person, who is assuming they “deserve” something. Do you really think I’m DTF after one dish of slightly, under average Chicken Alfredo? The bottom line is there should not be a time limit on when it is acceptable to hookup.

You have the power to decide when you feel comfortable and what you want to do. The problem is, you cannot allow anyone to coerce you. There should not be any times where you hooked up because you were “already there” or “did not want to disappoint them.” Hearing those statements from many people, far too many times is concerning; if that person likes you and respects you then it will not be a big deal if you are just honest. You should have enough self-respect to say no if you don’t want to hookup and have enough respect for the other person if they don’t want to. The person of your affection should want you to be comfortable above anything else; if not, they are not worth your time.

In the end, you have to decide what you want and be able to articulate it to the other person. People have a need to play games and not be honest with each other, but if you aren’t honest then the other person has no idea of what you want or need. If you want to hook up, tell them. If you want a relationship, tell them. If you don’t like them, tell them. People are not mind-readers.

Overall, your main focus should be on whether you are happy, talking to someone or not. If you want to just hook up with someone, do it. If you want to explore things and see if a relationship comes out of that, do it. But, respecting yourself and others strongly relates to not caring if people judge you. I know people are judging me when I walk to my friend’s house in slippers and sweatpants, but does it stop me? Of course not. Just know that you have the power to do whatever you want and no one should be holding you back. Finally, if our worth is going to be rated on food, at least order the steak.

Cover Image Credit: Photo by Jordan Bauer on Unsplash

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Artificial Dating Has Exploded In Society As We Know It

Hook-up culture has taken over.

"Life is a game made for everyone," they say, "and love is the prize." The challenge is dating until you find the one your soul was destined to spend all of eternity with. Dating. Is. Hard. There is absolutely no denying that, but due to the popularity of dating apps such as Tinder, the concept of "dating" has taken a whole different toll.

There is absolutely no doubt about that. Back in the day, a date involved getting dolled up and praying to god you are good enough to entice someone is nerve-wracking, especially with the amount of pressure one could have put on themselves in hopes to impress someone.

In today’s society, it is so difficult to be connected face to face with someone, or let alone find someone who isn’t worried about social media to have a sit-down conversation with. In recent years, I have found that social media plays a role in contributing to problems within relationships, especially in the relationships that I have pursued in recent years.

Apps like Tinder, Bumble, Instagram, and Snapchat have diminished the dynamics of the verb dating. It's about near impossible to actually go on a real date with someone. These commonly popular apps take the realness out of dating, and they make it easy to ignore what relationships should be about; they water relationships down to dumb pickup lines. Though, advertised as apps that help people find their soulmates, most people on these apps are only looking for one night.

Hookups are not bad necessarily, but these apps do introduce them, which contributes to problems that many people have when trying to look for someone to date.

Instagram and Snapchat enable young people to have expectations of what a relationship should be, and those expectations are usually unrealistic. Instagram especially with people who consider themselves "social media influencers" and are in relationships that are often not as perfect as they portray online. Social media also plays a large role in stirring up jealousy within modern-day relationships.

I remember last year when Tinder became really popular, curious to know more about how dating apps worked, I downloaded the app on a whim. Something I picked up on right away was that it takes the emotion out of dating and was something that made dating superficial. You're only judging someone based on how they look and you have absolutely no clue what their personality is like, the latter of which is what makes dating so much fun. Figuring out what someone is like and who they are is what keeps dating refreshing and new, and this concept cannot be determined through the use of a subpar pickup line.

These types of apps also add to the dating culture of today’s society.

That culture is what I call “talking” culture.

Talking can be defined as dating without the label which many people I know, and also I have experienced this. “Talking” can mean a variety of things, and is not something that can be defined clearly, but can mean anything from texting exclusively or something platonic with someone. This is really problematic and harmful on many levels to young adults in society today. It creates a lot of self-esteem issues because people are insecure about whether the person they're talking to will stop talking to them at any moment because they're not committed so there’s no real explanation needed.

Another thing that’s important to know is the term “ghosting,” which includes cutting off a person you're talking to without any notice or warning. It’s an easy way out: you give completely no explanation to why you've stopped talking to them and pretend like they don't exist or nothing ever happened between you. It’s actually a horrible thing to experience, but in today’s dating culture it’s relevant due to its established normalization in socializing.

Social media also contributes to jealousy in modern relationships. Everyone who is faced with any social media outlet is concerned with likes. Who’s liking what? Who posted when? Did my picture get more likes? All questions that are present, and play a role in jealousy. One of the things in the social media culture that is a driving force behind jealousy is being able to see who is liking someone else’s picture.

Anyone who has been in a relationship from the age of 13-24 has asked the question "why did he/she like his/her picture?" This creates worry stress because if you're in this position you worry about whether or not your partner is cheating on you with this person that they're overly liking pictures of. You also worry if you're not good enough.

Overall, social media makes dating superficial. It puts unrealistic aspirations of what dating should be on a platform for many ages to see and strive to, which in turn leads to many mental health problems, especially self-esteem issues. Speaking as a young woman who has experienced the dating culture of today’s society, I find that social media plays a large role in how people actually interact with each other.

More often than not throughout the dates I have been on, guys have been on their phones or awkward without them because for some reason there is a constant obsession with what is going on in the world that they're not present in. I’m guilty of being on social media and using it on occasions when I probably shouldn’t, but I realize that it’s a problem, when many people don’t see it that way.

Cover Image Credit: Priscilla Du Preez

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