I had the best group of friends when I was in elementary school. Their were about four of us and I thought that we were the coolest kids on the planet. Out of that group of friends I had two really close best friends. We had the best times together going bike riding and showing off our "cool" talents to each other in the summertime just to show off. Then middle school came and everything changed. I did not have a group of friends anymore because everyone branched off to different groups of the school. Middle School changed my life not for the better but for the worst. I could see all of the "popular" kids joining together just based on looks and other types of groups form just because of a certain club they were in. And me? I belonged nowhere. I did not have a group of friends since then and I still don't.

My whole life I wanted to have a group of girls to depend on, to be there for me and to make memories with. I never had that. I was always that one girl who talked to SO many people but could never stick to a group of friends. I was never even invited to be a part of a group and it saddened me deeply. Being that I won the senior superlative of "Most Outgoing" in high school (I have no clue how I ended up pulling that off'), it is assumed that I talk to A LOT of people. I did. I tried to be friendly with everyone which I enjoyed but still I did not get invited in to hang with a group and become part of their "clan." I really was not sure if something was wrong with me or I just sucked at making friends. Then I realized part of those statements were true but part of them happened to do with the kids I went to school with.

I tagged along with my sister's friends because they made me feel welcomed most of the time. I could tell my sister got agitated when I tagged along a lot but she knew I struggled to make friends. I could even tell her friends at times got annoyed when I tagged along since they were friends with my sister but they eventually got to like me and it made me feel special. The most pathetic part though was that I had to depend on my sister to have plans over the weekend to hang with her friends because I did not have my own, and this destroyed me and my emotions.

I could not wait to leave high school to finally be able to go to college and maybe make some life long friends. It still was the same situation. I made a nice little group my freshman year then we all grew apart. Some transferred and some just made new friends. I was once again the girl who talked to everyone on campus. I did not know if that was good or bad. Some students would say I was "the girl on the college page who talked to everyone" or I would get comments like "How do you know everyone on campus?" or "You're such miss popular." I may have been friendly with everyone because I enjoyed talking to people, but I still did not find my close group of friends. I still had fallouts with many of the close friends I made in college and as much as I tried to fit in with a certain group, I was the girl who made plans with different types of students because I did not have my own group.

I am not trying to complain at all about the friends I have now. No matter where they come from or how I met them, I am grateful to have such an outgoing personality to be able to talk to different people. But at the end of the day, I have no solid group of friends to hang with and make jokes with. I have no group of friends to vent to and make plans with to visit cool places. I cannot take pictures with a group of people to make memories with. I am blessed for the friends and acquaintances I have become close with and who keep in touch with me but at the end of the day, who can I really lean on?

I see girls from my high school who are still friends. The funny thing is I used to be friends with (or at least tried to be friends with) a few of those girls who barely invited me to hang out but insisted that I was their friend. That's not a friend, I was just too dumb and blind. As years passed they added girls to their group and I always thought that I would be one of them, but was not.

Since years have passed I have been able to grow a lot and learn about myself more and what I learned is that I will never be the girl who has a solid group of friends. I am the girl with friends from all different areas and groups but I will never be apart of that group. It is because I liked to talk to people and expand my social world, which I do not think is a bad thing. The downside is because I talk to so many people instead of just trying to talk to the same people each day, I know more and more people which makes it hard for me to blend in a group. The upside is I have different people to hang with, which gives my life more variety and still the possibility to blend into a group as I still hope.

To this day I do not have my own group of girls to call my besties or to post an Instagram pic of me with ten other girls saying "My girls for life." And to be honest it saddens me. I have friends come and go and have formed no real bondage with a solid crowd.

What I do have though is my freshman roommate who still talks to me on a daily basis. And some girls from my dance club. And some girls from my home dance studio. And people who I met in other clubs at school. And some friends from class. And some friends from work. And a few of my high school friends. And the person I met at the mall. And the people I met at camp. And the people I met going on trips. I do not have my own solid group of friends but what I do have is connections from all parts of the world and unique places, which I think is pretty cool.

I will be honest and say I wish I had my own group chat of ten girls that I could call my forever friends, but I don't. But what I am thankful for is the people who come into my life and stay no matter where we met. At the end of the day I believe quality over quantity, but in my case I just so happened to have a decent quantity of people with some great qualities. I do hope one day to finally get that group of friends I always wanted but I also do not mind the different people I connect with everyday. I will never have my own solid group of friends, but I know out of the 20 and up people I talk to is it's own unique experience. I am the girl with no group of friends but I know a hell of a lot of people who have helped shape my life.